Adam pulled off his coat and carried it to his den. He walked in and closed the door behind him, but froze there on the spot. Sitting at his desk, reading his correspondence, was Diana.
Startled, she turned in her chair, or rather,hischair. “Adam, I thought you were out riding.”
He worked hard to keep his voice steady and controlled. “I was.”
They gazed at each other for a moment, then she set down the letter in her hand and stood. “I was just…I was just reading these…” She gestured toward the pile of letters on his desk.Herletters. “I had forgotten all the things I wrote to you. I’m so glad you kept them.”
He took an anxious step forward. “Diana—”
“I remember now, how miserable I was that first year of my marriage and how desperately I’d wanted you back. You were everything to me, Adam, and I was foolish to let you go. This brings it all back, makes it seem like it happened only yesterday.”
“It wasn’t yesterday, Diana, it was a long time ago.”
“Yes, thank goodness, otherwise I would still be buried in loneliness back there.”
God, this was wretched.
He gazed at the window and saw Madeline outside still talking to Metcalf. The young man was standing by the bench, and she was gazing up at him, her hand on top of her straw hat to keep it from flying off on a gale.
Adam’s insides careened at the sight of her talking to John—or any man who tried to court her, for that matter.
There was no way in hell Adam could take another minute of this. He turned back to Diana, who was now walking toward him, her smile warm and inviting.
Adam breathed deeply. “Diana, we must talk.”
Chapter Fourteen
Adam carried his coat across the room and draped it over the back of the wing chair in front of the fireplace. He stood behind it, summoning the right words while Diana moved toward him, tilting her head the way she always did when she was unsure of something.
He gestured toward the other wing chair. “Diana, please sit down.” He took a seat across from her.
There were times he wished he was not a compassionate man, that he could act according to necessity and not be affected by it. He had been compassionate for his irrational wife when she’d collapsed in tears or flown into a rage, and he was compassionate now for Diana, knowing he was about to break her heart.
It had always been his weakness—another person’s suffering—and he knew it. He also knew he had to work hard to stand strong and do what must be done, no matter how painful it was.
She perched on the edge of the chair, her back stiff and straight, her hands clasped together tightly on her lap, and he detected her wariness.
Perhaps she had sensed the lack of feeling in him since she’d arrived, compared to the days long ago when he’d loved and worshiped her in Yorkshire. Since she’d stepped off the ship here in Cumberland, she’d confessed her happiness to him numerous times, and not once had he responded in kind.
“What is it, Adam?”
God, this was difficult. “I’m afraid we need to talk about the situation here….”
The situation here?Hell, he could do better than that.
“What do you mean?” She reached across to take his hand in hers. “You look so serious. You’re scaring me.”
He squeezed her hand in return and paused a moment before speaking, then disciplined himself into a steely resolve. “This is difficult to say, Diana, but surely you must recognize that we are not the same people we once were, that there has been a lifetime of experiences between us, and a great deal has changed.”
She smiled charmingly. “Well, of course things have changed, and I’m glad. You are a landowner now, Adam. A wealthy one. You have accomplished tremendous things, when before, we were both young and knew nothing of the world.”
“It’s more than that, my dear. I may have wealth, but I am not an aristocrat and I will never be one. In my heart, I am still just a simple farmer. You, on the other hand, are every inch a proper lady and, in your heart, I think you always were.”
She laughed. “I don’t understand, Adam.”
He shook his head. “I’m not saying this well at all. It…it has nothing to do with rank or class or wealth. It has more to do with—” he touched a fist to his chest “—with our hearts.”
“But my heart has always belonged to you. Even while I was married.” There was a pleading note to her voice all of a sudden. It tied his gut into a knot.
