“Has it really? Or has it belonged to a dream of me?”
“I still don’t understand what you are trying to say.”
Adam leaned back in his chair, searching for the grit to see this through. “We don’t know each other, Diana, and I’m not certain we ever did. Something gave you reason not to marry me years ago, and whatever that reason was, it still exists. We are different people. Your feelings for me have merely been a way of escaping whatever was missing in your own marriage, just as my feelings for you were an escape when times were difficult. We both wanted to return to the past when we were innocent and happy and knew nothing of the kind of pain or loneliness life can bring, but we can’t go back to that innocence. All we can do is learn from the past and move forward.”
Her jaw clenched visibly and her tone deepened. “What is your point, Adam?”
He suspected she already knew, but he had to say it anyway. “My point is—I don’t think we should marry.”
Her chin rose as she gathered her dignity around her. “I beg your pardon?”
He forced himself to say it again, as if it weren’t hard enough the first time. “I believe it would be a mistake for us to marry.”
The pleading tone returned to her voice. “But…maybe it’s…maybe we just need time alone together. We need to start again. How can we enjoy each other in a house full of children? Maybe we should think about sending the younger ones away to school. Then we could go back to what it was like when we—”
Adam felt sick. “I do not wish to send my children away.”
She confronted his resolute answer with a look of anger. “This makes no sense. Surely you are not put off me because I haverisenin life. If anything, you should be honored and grateful that I have come all this way to marry you. I amLadyThurston!”
Pausing to allow her time to let the shock settle in, Adam leaned forward again, resting his elbows on his knees and lacing his fingers together.
“You are a beautiful, charming woman, Diana, and I have had difficulty myself letting go of the dream of you. But that’s all it was—a dream. In reality, we are not compatible. You are in love with the man you want me to be, not the man that I am. I couldn’t possibly hire other people to do my work for me. Ilikemy work. I want to plow my own fields and stick my hands in the dirt at harvest time, and I doubt you would enjoy welcoming me home after I’ve just slaughtered a hog.”
A delicate finger came up to rest under her nose. “Good gracious, Adam, there’s no need to be cruel, saying such things to me.”
Adam wondered with a sigh which part she considered more cruel: his breaking off their engagement, or his mentioning the hog slaughter.
“You see, Diana, we are not right for each other. You would be much happier with a different kind of man.”
She continued to hold her head high. “You sounded like Madeline just now, talking about sticking your hands in the dirt. What is it about dirt that people always like to torture me with it?”
Baffled by her comment—baffled by everything about her—he patted her hand. “I am deeply sorry for bringing you all this way for nothing.”
“You are sorry? Sorry!” She snatched her hand out of his grasp and stood. “I spent six weeks on a stench-filled boat with a bunch of laborers! Now, you have the nerve to tell me thatIam the one who is living in a fantasy!Youwere the one to send the proposal!Youwere the one who started all of this! You’ve barely spoken two words to me since I’ve arrived, yet you presume to think you know enough about me to conclude that we are not right for each other. Is it because I am older? Am I not as beautiful as you remembered? Is it my hair? Have you noticed the gray?”
Adam stood. “No, Diana, you are as beautiful as ever.”
“Then what, may I ask, has changed since you wrote to Father to ask for my hand in marriage?” Her voice was harsh and demanding.
Not entirely sure how much he should say, or how truthful he should be, he replied simply, “Ihave changed.”
The features of her face hardened; her voice faded to a hush. “How? And why?”
Adam moved to stand in the center of the room. “It grieves me to say this, Diana, but I have changed because I’ve met someone who…someone who sees the world the way I do. I have learned to appreciate what is here before me in the present, to let go of the past and all the pain that went with it. I have met someone who is, I believe, my true mate.”
That last comment shook her physically. “There’s someone else?”
“Yes.”
“Who? Who has cheated me out of my place in your heart, and stolen you away when I have waited so long?”
“I can not tell you who.”
“Why? Are you afraid I will go to her and tell her what a faithless, fickle man you are? That you could propose to a woman one week, and forget her the next?”
“It wasn’t as simple as that. I was not cavalier about this.”
“Then what was it? How could you sweep me from your heart so expeditiously, after wanting me all your life? Madeline assured me it was so—that you still cared for me.”
