I push up on my elbows, squinting at the red glow of the clock on my nightstand. 10:45 p.m. Who would be here this late?
The knocking comes again, louder this time.
I throw the covers back and swing my legs over the side of the bed, glancing down at myself. Plaid pajama shorts and a thin tank top. Not exactly the look I want to greet late-night visitors in, but another knock rattles the door, spiking myadrenaline.
My pulse thuds as my bare feet pad down the hallway.“I’m coming!”
He’s standing in the dim yellow glow of the light, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. “Nate?” I ask, my fingers tightening on the edge of the door.
The cool night air sneaks in, while everything unsaid hangs between us. “Can we talk?”I nod, opening the door wider.
He hesitates for half a second before crossing the threshold, the door clicking shut behind him louder than it ever has.
My apartment feels smaller as we face each other in the dim light from the kitchen, with no idea what to say after our fight. But after a long silence, he scoffs, running a hand through his hair. “You gotta be dressed like that when I’m trying to apologize?”
I blink, caught off guard, my heart still pounding. “Excuse me?”
“No, dammit, I didn’t mean it like that. Just, hell, you look good, is all I’m trying to say. Makes a dude forget his words.”
“Oh.” Heat creeps up my neck, and his lips turn up, like he can tell the effect he has on me even now. “I wasn’t expecting anyone,” I mumble, crossing my arms over my chest where my nipples are definitely visible through the thin fabric.
“I know. I shouldn’t have come, but I couldn’t sleep,” he admits, keeping his eyes on my face. “Kept thinking about the other night. How you said you were leaving. And I know you don’t want me anymore, but I—”
“Don’t look at me like that,” I say, guilt hitting me hard at the defeated look on his face.
He frowns. “Like what?”
“Like I broke you.”
His jaw clenches as he looks away. “Kinda feels like you did.”
The words sting, but I nod, my fingers twisting together. “I was scared, Nate. That I would lose everything. And of how muchI love you.”
His head lifts at my words, his face lighting up with something that looks like hope, but he doesn’t say anything back.
I swallow, my voice trembling to explain. “I spoke with Ms. Price today about everything. And she seemed to think I was making a terrible mistake. She told me not to let fear steal my happiness, but that’s what I’ve been doing my entire life.”
“I’m not saying what you did was okay,” I continue, my voice becoming steady. “It wasn’t. And you’re not going to do that again.”
He nods immediately, his eyes wider than usual.
“But what I did wasn’t okay either,” I admit, resting a hand on his arm. “I went into this expecting the worst from you. And when you weren’t perfect, I reacted, because I was already bracing for it.”
He shakes his head. “Iris, you gotta know I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to hurt you, that’s the last thingI want.”
“I know you didn’t. And I forgive you. Completely.” I brush my thumb over his cheek, sliding over his day-old stubble. “But you have to understand, things are different now. If you want to be with me…”
I trail off, not wanting to say it, but knowing I have to. “People are going to stare. They’re going to talk. It won’t be like before. No one will cheer when we kiss. They’re going to judge us, call you names.”
He shifts, but ultimately, he leans into my touch. “You can’t let them get to you, Nate. You can’t shut down every time someone says something ugly.”
My voice cracks with emotion, but I keep going. “I can’t feel like you’re halfway out the door every time someone looks at us wrong. I can’t handle wondering if, one day, you’ll stop choosing me.”
He relaxes into a small smile, taking my hand and planting a kiss on my palm. “You got it all wrong, Darlin’. I won’t lie, at first, everything they were saying got to me a little. But at the end of the day, I don’t give a damn what anybody thinks about me. They can call me whatever the hell they want. I know who I am, and if you ask me, I’m damn lucky.”
He exhales hard, rubbing the back of his neck. “What gets me is when they talk aboutyou. Pisses me off something crazy to hear them saying all that hateful shit about you, and I’m not gonna stand for it.”
“Oh,” I whisper, his protective words sinking in.
