I breathe in the familiar smell of oil and exhaust overlaid with the smell of lemon. Over all of it, I still smell her. Christ, her scent is so deep in me by now that I could find that mix of vanilla and mint in the middle of a hurricane. I rub the back of my neck, shifting to relieve the tension and bring myself back to the conversation.
“I’m having a hard time letting it go,” I admit. “And Micah, well, I don’t think there’s any way he’ll leave. I need to be here for him.”
Becca’s studying me. Assessing. “But do you, though?”
My body stills. “What the fuck do you mean?”
Her sharp eyes cut through me. “You’ve barely been here the last three weeks. Micah and I have been communicating just fine. He passes me notes like back in high school. We text. I’ve been learning some signs. It’s kinda fun.”
She’s smiling, and I push away a spurt of jealousy at the affection in her voice when she talks about Micah. I should be happy Micah’s doing okay. I am happy. But she doesn’t look at me like that. And I know it’s my own fucking fault.
“He interacts with the guys, Kade. He’s always ready to lend a hand. The other guys look up to him. They respect him.”
I shift my eyes over to the garage, finding Micah in bay three. He’s working with Jamie, one of the junior mechanics. As I watch, he smiles and nods, patting Jamie on the back. Jamie is asking questions, getting nods or shakes of the head from Micah. Micah looks…confident.
When did that happen? How did I not notice when Micah stopped being that angry teenager? The one that would fight to get his words out, then use his fists instead to make his point? Becca’s eyes are soft and far too knowing.
“You’re a caretaker, Kade. You collect people. You said yourself. You want to fix people.” Her smile is understanding. The idea that she might see me clearly is unsettling. “You’re good at it.” She continues, “Maybe you did your job with Micah but didn’t notice?”
“Maybe,” I admit, uncomfortable with how much I missed with Micah. He’s apparently a pretty big fucking blind spot.
“Micah is stronger than you think, Kade. Talk with him about what’s going on. He might surprise you.”
I nod. Fuck. Maybe that conversation is way overdue, but it’ll keep a little longer. Right now, Becca’s in front of me, and I can see on her face that she’s still leaving. I need her to stay more than I need my next breath.
“Would you stay, Becca? Please? I’d really like it if we could start over.” I’m not ashamed to beg. “I can’t get you out of my system, and I really don’t want to keep trying.”
Becca gives me a sad smile that makes my stomach churn. “I don’t think so, Kade. I don’t need you to fix me. This dynamic is not healthy.”
“Fuck Becca, I already know you don’t need me fixing you,” I snap, frustrated. I stop, not really wanting to explain how I know that, but I don’t have anything left to lose at this point.
“I kept looking for your screwups,” I admit, feeling pretty fucking stupid. “I’d check the books at night. I’d double-check the parts orders. Hell, I even did inventory counts. I tried to figure out all the ways you could steal from me. And I didn’t find anything.” I push my hands through my hair, afraid to look at her. “Of course I didn’t find anything. Because you’re completely unlike any woman I’ve ever been with.”
I risk a glance at her face. She looks pissed, but not more pissed than before. Fuck. Time to go all in.
“Becca. I really didn’t want to find anything bad, and I settled down after the first week. But I kept coming back to see you. It fucking killed me to see your face light up for the guys and the customers and then go blank when you look at me. I want your sun shining on me, Becca. Please.”
I pause, trying to gauge her reaction, but she’s giving me nothing. I am such an asshole. Her choice shouldn’t be between staying and being with me, or leaving. I feel my chest deflate.
“Stay, please. You don’t have to leave, and…I’ll stay away if you want me to. I swear it. It’ll fucking kill me, but I’ll do it.”
She blows out a frustrated breath. “You’re so damn confusing, Kade.” She throws her arms out in frustration. “Can you just be straight with me for once! What do you WANT?”
I lock my eyes on her. “I want you under me, begging me to go deeper, harder. I want your nails digging into my back and your pussy wrapped around me.”
Her eyes widen, and she retreats a step. Fuck, maybe I shouldn’t have been quite so honest.
14
BECCA
Holy crap.
This man is scorching. The way he’s looking at me makes my girl parts happy. My chest feels hot, and I know I’ll be blushing in a minute. I was not expecting that. I feel slightly less pathetic, realizing the attraction definitely goes both ways. I get lost picturing the two of us together. Wondering how it would feel to have Kade’s powerful body between my thighs. His voice startles me out of my imagination.
“What do you want, Bec?”
Crap. What do I want? This morning I thought I knew what I wanted. To leave. To make a new home at the Dojo, make some friends, and feel like myself again.
