“I didn’t say anything,” I say. “I didn’t text him. He sent one message later.I’m sorry.”
Kayla rolls her eyes. “Ah. The emotionally constipated apology.”
I laugh, a real one this time. It cracks something open in my chest.
“I told him I need someone who stays,” I say.
“Good,” she repeats. “Again.”
I turn toward her. “You don’t think I’m being cold?”
“No,” she says immediately. “I think you’re being healthy. And that is deeply inconvenient for men who don’t know how to sit with feelings.”
I stare at my glass. “What if he never comes back from this?”
Kayla doesn’t sugarcoat it. She never does.
“Then he’s not ready,” she says. “And that will hurt, but it won’t mean you did anything wrong.”
What she says settles heavily between us.
“I care about him,” I whisper. “I … love him.”
“I know.”
“And I don’t want to punish him for being human.”
“You’re not,” she says. “You’re giving him space to figure out whether he wants to show up as one.”
I lean my head back against the couch, staring at the ceiling the way she did earlier.
“I don’t want to lose myself again,” I admit. “I don’t want to shrink just to keep someone comfortable.”
Kayla reaches over and squeezes my hand. “You won’t. You’ve already proven that.”
Silence stretches between us. I lift myself up so I can take another sip of my wine. It doesn’t hit like it used to. The passion behind it all feels gray.
Finally, I see Kayla smirk. “Also, for what it’s worth, if he fumbles you, I will personally haunt him.”
I laugh again, softer this time.
“Thank you.”
She bumps her shoulder into mine. “Anytime. That’s what emotionally evolved best friends slash romance novelists are for.”
I glance at her laptop. “What were you writing?”
“Oh,” she says lightly. “Just a scene where a broody man realizes he’s an idiot and grovels appropriately.”
I raise a brow. “Fiction?”
She grins. “For now. One day, maybe it won’t be.”
My phone buzzes on the coffee table. I can feel my heart flutter with hope, but I know deep down that it’s not what I want.
I reach for my phone anyway. Kayla notices but doesn’t comment.
No new message. Just an email.
