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I haven’t told Kenny that I actually find most science fiction boring, since there seem to be very few girls in it.
There are a lot of girl characters in Japanese anime, which Kenny also really likes, and which he has decided to devote his life to promoting (when he is not busy finding a cure for cancer). I have noticed that most of the girls in Japanese anime seem to have misplaced their bras.
Plus I really think it might be detrimental to a fighter pilot to have a lot of long hair floating around in the cockpit while she is gunning down the forces of evil.
But like I said, I haven’t mentioned any of this to Kenny. And mostly, we get along great. We have a fun time together. And in some ways, it’s very nice to have a boyfriend. Like, I don’t have to worry now about not being asked to the Albert Einstein High School Nondenominational Winter Dance (so called because its former title, the Albert Einstein High School Christmas Dance, offended many of our non–Christmas-celebrating students).
And why is it that I do not have to worry about not being asked to the biggest dance of the school year, with the exception of the prom?
Because I’m going with Kenny.
Well, okay, he hasn’t exactly asked me yet, but he will. Because he is my boyfriend.
Isn’t that great? Sometimes I think I must be the luckiest girl in the whole world. I mean, really. Think about it: I may not be pretty, but I am not grossly disfigured; I live in New York City, the coolest place on the planet; I’m a princess; I have a boyfriend. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh, God.
WHO AM I KIDDING?????
This boyfriend of mine? Here’s the scoop:
I DON’T EVEN LIKE HIM.
Well, okay, it’s not that I don’t like him. But this boyfriend thing, I just don’t know. Kenny’s a nice enough guy and all—don’t get me wrong. I mean, he is funny and not boring to be with, certainly. And he’s pretty cute, you know, in a tall, skinny sort of way.
It’s just that when I see Kenny walking down the hall, my heart so totally doesn’t start beating faster, the way girls’ hearts start beating faster in those teen romances my friend Tina Hakim Baba is always reading.
And when Kenny takes my hand, at the movies or whatever, it’s not like my hand gets all tingly in his, the way girl
s’ hands do in those books.
And when he kisses me? Those fireworks people always talk about? Forget about it. No fireworks. Nil. Nada.
It’s funny, because before I got a boyfriend, I used to spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get one, and once I got him, how I’d get him to kiss me.
But now that I actually have a boyfriend, mostly all I do is try to figure out how to get out of kissing him.
One way that I have found that works quite effectively is the head turn. If I notice his lips coming toward me, I just turn my head at the last minute, so all he gets is my cheek, and maybe some hair.
I guess the worst thing is, when Kenny gazes deeply into my eyes—which he does a lot—and asks me what I am thinking about, I am usually thinking about this one certain person.
And that person isn’t Kenny. It isn’t Kenny at all. It is Lilly’s older brother, Michael Moscovitz, whom I have loved for, oh, I don’t know, MY ENTIRE LIFE.
Wait, though. It gets worse.
Because now it’s like everybody considers me and Kenny this big Item. You know? Now we’re Kenny-and-Mia. Now, instead of Lilly and me hanging out together Saturday nights, it’s Lilly-and-Boris and Kenny-and-Mia. Sometimes my friend Tina Hakim Baba and her boyfriend, Dave Farouq El-Abar, and my other friend Shameeka Taylor and her boyfriend, Daryl Gardner, join us, making it Lilly-and-Boris and Kenny-and-Mia and Tina-and-Dave and Shameeka-and-Daryl.
So if Kenny and I break up, who am I going to hang around with on Saturday nights? I mean, seriously. Lilly-and-Boris and Tina-and-Dave and Shameeka-and-Daryl won’t want just plain Mia along. I’ll be just like this seventh wheel.
Not to mention, if Kenny and I break up, who will I go to the Nondenominational Winter Dance with? I mean, if he ever gets around to asking me.
Oh, God, I have to go now. Lilly-and-Boris and Tina-and-Dave and Kenny-and-Mia are supposed to go ice-skating at Rockefeller Center.
All I can say is, be careful what you wish for. It just might come true.
Saturday, December 6, 11 p.m.
I thought my life was over because I have a boyfriend now and I don’t really like him in that way, and I have to break up with him without hurting his feelings, which is, I guess, probably impossible.
