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“No!” Lilly said scornfully, between sobs. “God! Do you think I’d be crying over something like that?”
“Well.” I stared down at her blankly. “What is it, then?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Lilly said.
But I noticed her gaze slide toward Boris. What’s more important, Boris noticed it, too.
And so—exercising a little of the tact Tina has so carefully taught him—Boris said, “I guess I’ll just go start practicing now,” and went and let himself into the supply closet.
I said, “Okay, he’s gone. Now tell me.”
Lilly took a deep, shuddering breath. Then, glancing around at everyone else in the room—all of whom immediately ducked their heads, pretending to be engrossed in their individual projects, something that NEVER happens unless Mrs. Hill is in the room, which she most decidedly was not just then—Lilly whispered, “J.P. just broke up with me.”
I stared at her in complete and utter astonishment. “What?”
“You heard me.” Lilly reached up and wiped her eyes with the back of her wrist, leaving a long black mascara stain on each side of her face. “He dumped me.”
I pulled out the chair next to Lilly’s just in time to collapse into it and not onto the floor.
“You’re joking,” I said. Because it was the only thing I could think of to say.
But it was painfully clear by the way tears continued to stream from her eyes that she wasn’t joking.
“But why?” I asked. “When?”
“Just now,” Lilly said. “Outside on the front steps, next to Joe.” Joe is the stone lion that flanks the stairs leading to the front doors of Albert Einstein High. “He said he felt really bad, but that he doesn’t feel the same way about me that I do about him. He said he values me as a friend, but that he’s never lo-loved me!”
I couldn’t stop staring at her. Somehow, this was way more horrible than what Michael had done to me. I mean, Michael had had sex with Judith Gershner and lied to me about it, and all.
But he had never said he didn’t love me.
“Oh, Lilly,” I breathed. I forgot about being a nihilist. All I could think about was how much Lilly was hurting. “Oh, Lilly. I’m so sorry.”
“So am I,” Lilly said, wiping her eyes again. “Sorry I was such an idiot for not admitting to myself what I KNEW was going on sooner.”
I blinked at her. “What do you mean?”
“Well, the very first time I told him that I loved him, and all he said was thank you? I mean, I should have taken that as a sign that he didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about him, right?”
“But we all just thought it was because he wasn’t used to having a girl like him,” I said. “Remember, Tina said—”
“Right, that he was like the Beast from Beauty and the Beast, unused to human love, and uncertain how to react to it. Well, guess what? Tina was wrong. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to react. He just didn’t love me back, and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me so. So he just led me on, all these months.”
I couldn’t help sucking in my breath. “Oh, Lilly,” I said. “No! I mean, he must have thought maybe—”
“That he’d grow to love me?” Lilly managed a bitter smile. “Yeah, well, apparently it didn’t work.”
“Oh, Lilly,” I said. I could have killed J.P. right then. I really could have. I couldn’t believe he was putting her through this.
And to do it at school! Of all places! I mean, why couldn’t he have waited until they were somewhere alone, like Ray’s Pizza, and broken the news to her then, so she could cry in private? What’s wrong with boys?
I’ll kill him. Seriously. I’m going to kill him.
I didn’t even realize I’d said the words out loud until Lilly reached out and grabbed my wrist and said, “Mia. No. Don’t.”
I looked at her, startled. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t say anything to him about it. Really. It’s my fault. I…I sort of knew all along that he didn’t love me.”
