This time, he relaxed his muscles as I pushed my finger in further at the same time as using my other hand to stroke his length. Slowly, I kept pushing until I was knuckle deep.
“Oh, fucking hell,”Ben groaned, the hint of discomfort disguised by pleasure.
“You’re doing so well, baby,”I cooed, rubbing my hips against the bedding, needing my own release.
The sight of my finger lost in Ben’s ass while his cock was millimeters from my mouth was almost too much. Ben’s breath turned to pants as I resumed my licking and sucking around his cock, keeping my finger still but pressing firmly against his prostate.
“Fuck! I’m coming!”
Thatwas all the warning I got before hot spurts of come filled my mouth, setting off my own release as I erupted over the bed sheets. Greedily drinking every drop of him, I licked his cock clean. Onlythendid I remove my finger.
Ben yanked me up with the grip on my hair, pulling me onto him before flipping me onto my back and kissing me deeply.
“Fuck, Bug,”he wheezed.“I never knew it could feel likethat.”
“Now you know why I like being the bottom.”
Grinning, he collapsed onto his back, and after a minute of us staring at the ceiling, his head lolled to the side, meeting my eyes once more.“Can I ask you something?”
I rolled to face him.“You can ask me anything, Ben. I’ve got nothing to hide.”
“How many guys have you been with?”
“Two.”
His brows lifted. “Two?”
A chuckle left my lips.“You thought there’d be more?”
He shifted to mirror my position.“No. I…”he sighed, and a shy smile curled his lips.“Yeah. I thought there would be more.You’re so confident with knowing what you want and asking for it.”
“I don’t think it has anything to do with how many partners I’ve had. It’s more about being comfortable with who I’m with,”I replied, raising my hand to rest it on his hip.
He didn’t reply for a moment,juststared back at me like he was deep in thought until he eventually said,“I’m comfortable with you.”
“That’s good. I want you to be comfortable, and I want you to knowthatif there’s something you want to try,thenyou only have to ask.”
His mouth opened and closed several times, but no words came out. It was almost like he was giving himself a pep talk to say what he wanted to say. I didn’t speak, giving him time to find his voice.
“I have thought about you fucking me,”he said, not quite able to meet my eyes. I tried to ignore the twitch in my cock. The thought of fucking Ben was an instant turn-on. Before I could form a coherent response, he continued.“Isthatsomething you enjoy? You know, topping a guy?”
Moving my hand from his hip, I lifted it to press my thumb under his chin, making him look at me.“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never done it. I’ve always been the bottom.”
His eyes widened.“You’ve never…”
“No.”
“How come?”
I released his chin to replace my hand on his hip.“Well, the first guy I was with was a one-night stand. I never saw him again after we fucked. Andthenmy ex, Jase, it was never something we discussed. He had a lot of trouble accepting his sexuality; it’s what broke us apart. He treated me like a dirty little secret, and for a long time, I let him. I didn’t want to lose him, so I was happy to go along with whatever he wanted. And what he wantedwas to ignore me in public, but behind closed doors, he wanted to fuck me. He never suggested switching, and neither did I.”I paused, rolling my eyes. It still bothered me how much I let Jase get away with during our relationship.“Hell, it took him months toevengive me a blow job; he thought sucking another man’s cock made him less masculine. I think he would have vanished off the face of the earth if I suggested me fucking him.”
Ben snorted.“He sounds like a dick.”At my sigh, he added,“Sorry, Bug. I didn’t mean to be rude about him.”
“No, it’s notthat. He was a dick,”I replied, lowering my gaze.“Ijust…it took a lot to get over him. Not because I loved him or anything likethat, but because itreallyknocked my confidence. After Jase, I promised myself I wouldn’t be anyone’s dirty little secret again.”
I cursed myself as soon as the words left my mouth, and I couldn’t meet Ben’s intense stare. A thick tension descended between us as unspoken words hung in the air. I hadn’t meant to implythatI was Ben’s dirty little secret, but wasn’tthatwhat I was?
I’d vowed to myself never to be in this position again, and yet, here I was. Only, this time, it was worse. I never loved Jase.
