Surprising me, Ben shifted forward so our chests were flush, and our lips a hairsbreadth apart.“And you shouldn’t be, Bug. You shouldn’t be someone’s dirty little secret, because you deserve so much fucking more thanthat.”His eyes darted between mine, and my heart raced. Nervous anticipation gathered in my stomach, hope bloomingthatthis was going to be the moment when things changed between us. Ben swallowed before sucking in a deep breath, his hand lifting to cup my cheek.“I don’t want you to feel like you’re my dirty little secret, but at the same time, I’m still processing my own shit. I like you, Bug. I like you a lot, and I don’t want to lose you, but thoseghosts from my past still haunt me. I’m trying not to let them, but some days, they won’t go away.”
He paused, and my mind churned with everything he’d said. The hope blooming in my chestthatsomething more could develop between us was growing to epic proportions. Until he continued.
“Ijustneed time. I’m not ready to tell the worldthatI’m gay.”At my frown, he added,“It’s notthatI’m ashamed of my sexuality, but for so long, I believed there was something wrong with me, andthatbeing attracted to another man was disgusting. I’m trying to undo the damagethatpeople from my past have caused, but it’s not going to happen overnight. I don’t know how long I need, and I understand if you don’t want to wait, Bug. I won’t lie, I’ll be devastated if you walk away. You’ve helped me learn so much about myself. But I would understand if you decided you’ve waited long enough. As I said, you deserve to be so much more than someone’s dirty little secret.”
The hope deflated. He wasn’t saying we would never be more than what we were now, but it wasn’t somethingthatwould change any time soon.Thatdidn’t mean I was ready to walk away, despite the nagging little voice in my ear reminding methatJase always used to say he needed more time.
Leaning forward, I brushed my lips against Ben’s in a soft kiss.“I’m not going anywhere, baby. I’m staying right here until you’re ready.”
The question was, how much time was I willing to give?
Ben
Istared at the pile of paperwork on my desk, knowingthatI needed to deal with it before the end of the month, but unable to concentrate on anything but this morning in bed with Tristan.
I’d woken up spooning him, with my rock-hard cock pressed against his ass. Still half asleep, he asked me to fuck him, and who was I to say no? I’d grabbed the lube from the bedsidetable and rubbed a generous amount over my cock before lifting Tristan’s knee and sliding inside his tight hole.
The two of us panted and groaned as I thrust slowly in and out of him while I also reached over to rub a hand up and down his thick cock, bringing him to climax at the same time I emptied my load inside him. The whole time, my mind churned, wondering what Tristan felt to have my cock in him.
Since he admittedthathe’d never fucked a guy before, it was all I could think about, and the more it turned over in my brain, the more I knew I wanted Tristan to fuck me. My stomach had been tied in a knot of anticipation, and I was building my confidence to tell him what I wanted.
As if sensing I was thinking about him, my phone buzzed with an incoming call, the screen flashing with his name.Eventhough it had only been a few hours since I’d heard his voice, I was desperate to hear it again.“Hey.”
“Hey, man. How’s it going?”
“I won’t lie, I can think of better things to be doing than paperwork,”I replied, earning a snort from him.“What’s up? Everything okay at the house?”
“It’s all good, but my mom phoned me earlier. The twins have finished school for the Christmas period; she was supposed to be off work tomorrow to look after them, but she’s been called in ‘cos her department is short-staffed, and she asked if I could look after the girls tomorrow.”
Disappointment flooded me. I knew I was being selfish, but I wanted Tristan to myself.“What about your dad? I could give him the day off to look after them?”
“To be honest, I wouldn’t mind spending some time with them. I’ve missed them. Besides, the swelling has gone down on my face, and the bruises have started to fade, so it’s probably time I went home, anyway.”
The disappointment deepened. I didn’t want Tristan to go home. In a few short days, I’d gotten used to waking up next to him each morning and coming home to find him there.
“Also,”Tristan continued.“I managed to get one of my buddies to come to your place tomorrow to switch the windows over to folding doors. He’ll be drilling and shit, so I won’t be able to do any painting. It makes sensethatI’m not here.”
“Yeah, it does,”I replied, my shoulders slumping.“When will you be coming back to mine?”
Under the table, I crossed my fingers, hoping he would say he’d be back as soon as his mom or dad were home to relieve him of his babysitting duties. But I had no luck.
“I’ll be back Friday morning. I’ve got to pick up some more materials first, though.”
It took every ounce of control to stop from begging Tristan not to go home, and tojuststay with me, but I was being unfair. He had a life, and it wasn’t like he owed me anything. He wasn’t my boyfriend.
The thought was like acid hitting my gut. After our conversation the other morning, where he’d implied he was my dirty little secret, I wanted to tell himthathe meant so much more to me thanthat, but the words faltered.
Those irritating voices played in my head like a broken record, and while they weren’t as prominent as they once were, I still struggled to ignore them. I was surethatover time, they would fade, and I could only hopethatTristan was patient enough to wait for me.
I didn’t think I would be able to survive if he’d said he wouldn’t wait. He’d become the airthatI needed to live each day.
“Okay, well, I guess I’ll see you Friday. Enjoy your time with the girls,”I said, forcing the words past the lump in my throat.
“Thanks, man. I’ll see you soon.”
He hung up, leaving me to resume my staring at the stack of papers, and telling myselfthatI needed to figure my shit out quickly, or I was going to risk losing him.
I finally managed to switch my brain off from all things Tristan long enough to focus on clearing some of the paperwork, until a commotion from next door drew my attention. It was the main office where Alice and Rob had their desks, and was usually as quiet as a graveyard.
