A heavy tension had settled between us as I drove us back to Ben’s house in silence. Pulling into the driveway, I stopped behind my van and killed the engine. Neither of us moved.
“You want to come in?”Ben asked, hope lacing his voice.
I wanted to. Fuck, Ireallydid, but I needed space. Space to think, and if I went inside, it wouldn’t be long until we were ripping each other’s clothes off, and I’d once again forget all the promises I’d made to myself.
“Nah, I need to get home. It’s the twins’ birthday tomorrow, and they’ll never forgive me if I’m not there when they wake up at the crack of dawn.”
It was a little lie. ItwasHolly and Ivy’s birthday, but they didn’t tend to get their asses out of bed until at least mid-morning. I would have had plenty of time to drive home before they woke, but Ijustneeded to be by myself.
“Oh. Well, I hope you have a good day with them.”
“Thanks.”Sullenly, I got out of the car, walking around the front to meet Ben, and handed his keys back.“Thanks for letting me drive your baby. She’s a real beauty.”
He nodded glumly, his sour mood matching mine. Unlocking my van, Ben loitered in the driveway, butjustas I was about to slide into the driver’s seat, he stepped forward.“Bug.”
“Yeah?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed several times, and a nervous anticipation rushed through me.“Thanks again for today,”he eventually said, his gaze dropping to the ground and making me thinkthathe had intended to say something else but had changed his mind at the last minute.
“Anytime,” I replied.
AndthenI got the fuck out of there.
Ben
Ibarely slept. Every time I rolled over, I was remindedthatI was alone in my bed, andthenTristan’s face would pop into my mind. Not his happy, smirking face, but the hurtthatflashed across his beautiful features when I pulled away from kissing him on the Ferris wheel.
I didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with me. I enjoyed my day with him, hell, IevenforgotthatI was holding his hand on the ice rink because it felt so damn natural. Untilthatkid sneered at us and called us a namethatmade Jake’s voice ring in my ears in agreement.
His voice was silenced as Tristan and I made our way around the fair, andthenon the wheel, I wanted to kiss Tristan so fucking badly. But when it started moving, Jake’s voice was once again all I could hear, telling methatpeople would see and be disgusted.
I was such a fucking hypocrite; I’d convinced Tristan to report his assault, lectured him on making a stand against people who didn’t accept him for being gay. Yet I was too much of a coward to make the same stand.
Why I cared so much about what others thought, I didn’t know. For years, it never bothered me when people talked shit behind my back, orthatI had a reputation for being cruel and stingy. But when it came to this, I couldn’t switch those damn voices off whenreally, the only person whose opinion mattered was the one I ended up hurting.
Giving up on sleep, I dragged my ass out of bed and hit the gym for a workout, hoping to channel my frustration into exercise. It didn’t help, no matter how hard I pushed myself. Not when I kept checking my phone to see if Tristan had messaged.
My entire body ached by the time I finished my workout, and after showering and eating breakfast, I headed to my office to work, but of course, I couldn’t concentrate. When the clock hit midday, I finally grew a pair of balls and messaged Tristan.
Me:
Hey. Happy Birthday to the twins. I hope you have a good day with them.
I breathed a sigh of relief when his response was almost instant.
Bug:
Thanks, man. The girls have tricked me into taking them to Arcade Palace.
I snorted. I knew the place in town; it sounded like hell on earth. Most of the local kids spent their time there as it had a load of arcade machines, a bowling alley, a laser quest arena, and a go-kart course. Poor Tristan, I couldn’t think of a worse way to spend the day.
Me:
Sounds fun.
Bug:
Yeah, a laugh a second. The girls will probably abandon me the second we get there, and I’ll be left on my own for ages.
