“Yeah,thatwould be good, Bug. I didn’t think I’d be saying this, but I’m rather enjoying myself.”
“See, told you it would be fun,”I replied, only for my grin to falter at the sight of Ben’s face.
He wasn’t looking at me; instead, his eyes were fixed on a kid, no older than about fifteen, skating in our direction. The kid’s gaze dropped to where Ben and I held hands, a sneer contorting on his face. As he passed us, he hissed somethingthatsounded awfully like he’d called usdirty homos.
A knife stabbed my chest when Ben released my hand to wipe his palm on the side of his jeans.“I…uh, think I’m ready to skate solo,”he said, trying to hide the real reason he’d dropped my hand.
I forced a smile on my face, knowingthatit didn’t reach my eyes.“Yeah, sure.”The sudden need to put some space between us slammed into me like a wrecking ball, and I skated a few steps ahead of him, calling over my shoulder,“Catch me if you can.”
Refusing to slow down, I skated away, trying my hardest to ignore the thick lump of emotion clogging my throat.
When Ben crashed spectacularly into the barrier, my sour mood vanished, replaced by sympathy. I wasn’t being fair. He’d made it clear he wasn’t ready to be out in the open with me, and while I hadn’t set out to make the day feel like a date, subconsciously,thatwas what I had hoped it would be.
I skated over to him, relieved to find he wasn’t hurt. He laughed the collision off but admitted he was more than ready to get off the ice. Not wanting to ruin the rest of the day, I forced my mood away, determined to make good on my promise and give Ben a day he wouldn’t forget.
With our skates returned for our shoes, we headed toward the fairground, stopping at the Christmas stalls along the way tosee what was being sold. By the time we hit the rides, dusk was setting in, and all the attractions had their lights on, adding to the euphoric atmosphere.
We started with thetilt-a-wheel,the two of us laughing until our sides hurt as we were spun around and around. After, we hit theBig Dipper, a rollercoasterthathad five loops in it. With each ride, Ben’s happiness grew, as did the ache in my chest.
Night had well and truly set by the time we had been on all but one ride. I’d saved the best ‘til last. Reaching the Ferris wheel, Ben stared up at it, the lights from the ride showing the awe on his face.
“Is now a good time to tell youthatI’m afraid of heights?”
Slapping his shoulder, I snorted.“Dude, we went on theBigDipperthree times, which is easily as tall as this.”
“I know, but I was too busy trying not to throw up to worry about how high we were.”
I rolled my eyes at his dramatics.“Well, they say the best way to conquer your fears is to face them. Besides, the view from the top is worth it.”
His lips pursed into a thin line, but reluctantly, he followed me to the entrance, where we showed the wristbands we worethatgave us access to all the rides. Once locked in the seat, our cart moved backwards to let the next couple on.
We didn’t speak as we watched more people being loaded onto the ride every time we moved a little higher in the air. When we reached the top, Ben let out a sigh.“You were right, this view is incredible.”
I leaned back into the seat, admiring the view of the town stretched out before us. I remembered the first time I’d ridden the Ferris wheel. I’d been wedged in between my mom and dad, and had clung to them for fearthatwe would fall. But when the ride finished, and we got off, I begged them to go on it again.
Not for the first time, I thought about Ben’s childhood and how different it was from mine. I couldn’t imagine growing up without two loving parents, and as I snuck a glance at him, finding him taking in the view, the familiar feeling of warmth spread through me.
He’d had such a shitty past, and I wanted nothing more than to give him a future he deserved, but at what cost?
The ride began moving, slowly bringing us down to the ground before rising back to the top again. It started rotating, and each time we reached the top, I pointed out different buildings to Benthatwe could see from the air. I didn’t know if he meant to, but he kept shifting closer, and with my arm stretched out along the back of the cart, it was almost as if I had my arm around him.
When the ride finally came to a stop again, we were at theverytop.“I love this view,”I said quietly.“I don’t know why, but I always think of this whenever I feel like life is getting hard. It reminds methatthere’s a whole world out there, and this, right here, isjusta tiny snapshot of it.”
“That’s very inspiring, Bug,” Ben said, his tone serious.
I smirked.“What can I say, I’m an inspirational kinda guy.”
He met my gaze, trapping me with his dark eyes.“Yeah, you are.”He inhaled a deep breath.“Thank you for today, I’ve had fun.”
“Good. I’m glad.”
Neither of us looked away until his eyes dropped to my lips before coming back to meet mine again.“Ireallywant to kiss you right now.”
“Thenkiss me,”I replied, desperately wanting to feel his lips against mine.
He shifted, slowly leaning forward, only to freeze when the ride jerked to life, and our cart was lowered. Ben moved back, putting extra space between us, and the disappointment I’d felt earlier washed through me like a tsunami.
I tore my gaze away, my jaw clenching as the ride continued lowering until it was time to get off.
