“That’s because-”
“Right, you two,”I groaned, scrubbing a hand down my face.“I’vejustwoken up, it’s too early to listen to your bickering.”
I grabbed my phone off the side as Ivy and Holly pulled faces at each other, but my sisters disappeared into the background when I realized I must have fallen asleep waiting for Ben to text back from the message I’d sent last night.
Me:
Thank you for stopping by.I’m glad we talked.
He’d read it, but he hadn’t replied.
I stared at the message, trying to recall what had happened. I remembered him turning up at the house and us kissing in the hallway, and I remembered cuddling on his chest, where I fell asleep. I had a vague recollection of us talking at one point, but I couldn’t remember the specifics thanks to the brain fogthatcame with a fibromyalgia flare-up.
A mixture of dread and anxiety swirled in my stomach. After what had happened on Sunday, I’d made a decision to talk to him. I didn’t want to give him an ultimatum; the last thing I wanted was to put him under pressure. If I forced him into coming out about us, he’d only end up resenting me, but I wasn’t sure if I could carry on being his secret. It was eating me alive.
Fuck. Had I saidthatto him when he was here?
“Listen, girls,”I said, getting out of bed and ignoring the way my body protested against the sudden movement. I probably needed another day resting, but I had to see Ben.“I’ve got to do something first. It’sreallyimportant. Can I postpone game time until later?”
I tuned out their grumbles as I staggered to the bathroom to shower.
There was no way I could drive; my concentration was all over the place. I’d intended to get a taxi to Ben’s place, but when Dad said he was heading into town to do someverylast-minute Christmas shopping and could give me a lift, I jumped at the offer.
“You want me to wait?”he said, pulling into Ben’s driveway.
I hadn’t spoken much on the way over, lost in my head as I tried to recall any part of the conversation I had with Benyesterday.“No, thanks. I don’t know how long I’ll be. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”
Dad’s mouth pursed into a thin line, and when he met my gaze, my gut told me he had something on his mind. Whatever it was, though, he didn’t volunteer.“Okay, Tris. Call me if you want a lift later. Don’t get a taxi.”
I clapped his shoulder.“Thanks, Dad. I owe you.”
Getting out of the car, I debated whether to use my key to let myself in. As Dad pulled out of the driveway, I hesitated at the door. It wasn’t like I hadn’t let myself in before, but something felt…different. An uneasy feeling had settled over me since reading the message I’d sent last night, and I hated it.
What if I’d put too much pressure on him and fucked things up?
I knocked on the door, anxiety churning in my stomach as I waited. When a minute passed and there was no answer, I knocked again. This time, the door was tugged open, and I came face to face with the man I’d fallen head over heels for.
Only, he was wearing the face of the stoic man I’d met nearly a month ago.
“What are you doing here?”he asked, his tone cold.
Taken aback by his abruptness, I opened and closed my mouth several times before the words finally came out.“I wanted to see you. Can we talk?”
His jaw clenched, but he made no move to step aside and let me in.“I think we said all we needed to say yesterday.”
My mind began to race. Why the fuck couldn’t I remember the conversation?“Yeah, but I don’treallyremember. One of the side effects of the fibro,”I shrugged, trying my hardest not to let onthatmy heart was cracking down the middle.
His features briefly softened only to harden again.“There’s no point in rehashing the conversation, Tristan,”he said. Tristan.Not Bug.“You want something I can’t give you, so this—”he pointed between us“—needs to end.”
“What is it you think I want from you?”I replied, proudthatmy voice didn’t break.
“Us, Tristan. You want there to be an us.”
“And you don’t?”
“No. Not in the way you want. You want a relationship, I don’t. If I had my way, I’d carry on fucking you until you finished the work on my house, andthenwe’d be done. That’s all this is, Tristan. A bit of fun while you were here.”
Tears stung my eyes as my lip wobbled.“You don’t meanthat.”
