He took a step forward, andeventhough he’d closed the distance between us, it felt like there was an entire continent between us.“Yes, I do meanthat. I don’t know why you got it in your headthatthere would be anything more between us. We agreed this would be casual, and nothing more. It’s not my fault you developed feelings for me.”
An invisible rope tied around my throat, squeezing it until I couldn’t breathe. By some miracle, I managed to hold my tears in, but the need to get the hell away from this house, fromhim,collided into me like a freight train.
I took a step back, andthenanother, not breaking my gaze away from him.“You’re going to end up averysad and lonely man one day, Ben,”I whispered, the invisible rope making it almost impossible to speak.
His brows lifted fractionally before he schooled his features.“And that’s the way I like it. Now get off my property.”
A surge of anger doused some of the pain building within me, enough for me to rummage in my pocket and grab his key. Throwing it at him, it hit his chest and bounced to the floor. I didn’t see if he’d stooped to pick up, I refused to look back as I stormed away.
Dad hadn’t made itveryfar when I called him for a lift home. I managed to hold myself together as I waited several blocks away from Ben’s house, a little part of me hoping he would come out and apologize, another part wanting to never see him again.
Every part of me ached, but not because of my illness, but from the hurt his callous words had caused. My heart hurt the most. If I thought my heart had been broken when Jase and I split, it was nothing compared to the way my heart was shattering now.
When Dad’s car pulled up, I slid inside, making the mistake of looking at him and seeing the worry in his eyes.“Are you okay, Tris?”
Of course he had to ask the one questionthatwas guaranteed to put a crack in the dam holding my tears at bay.
My eyes filled, and I jammed the palms of my hands into my eyeballs to stop the waterfallthatwas about to flow. But I couldn’t stop the sob from bursting free.“I’m such a fucking idiot.”
Leaning across the center console, my dad wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest.“No, you’re not. Don’t ever saythat.”
His comforting voice and warm embrace was enough for the dam to crack wide open. I grabbed onto him as I allowed myselfto finally say words I’d been keeping to myself.“I am. I told myself not to fall for him,thatit would only end in me getting hurt. But I did it anyway. I fell in love with him.”Wracking sobs gripped my body as I soaked my dad’s shirt with my tears. Saying the words aloud was like shoving a sharp blade right through the middle of my chest.“I love him, Dad.”
“Oh, Tris,”Dad whispered, kissing the top of my head as he rubbed gentle circles over my back.
Minutes passed as we sat in his car, him holding me, not saying a word as I cried over a man who didn’t love me back. His harsh words circled in my head, and each time, the wound in my chest grew bigger.
Ireallythought he felt the same way about me. Every day we spent together, every experience we shared, every time he opened up about his past, brought us closer. I didn’t want to be his dirty little secret any longer, but I’d gotten it into my headthathe would get to a point where he wanted more.
But I was nothing more than a good time as he kindly pointed out.
When my sobs grew silent, I pulled out of Dad’s arms, wiping my eyes as embarrassment joined the pity party I was hosting.“Sorry.”
“Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for, Son. I wish there was something I could do to help.”
I shook my head.“There’s nothing anyone can do. I should have known better.”
“Tris, you know you can’t help who you fall for, that’s the beauty and the curse of love,”Dad said gently.
I let out a humorless chuckle.“Trust me to fall for the one guy who is emotionally dead.”
Dad shifted back into his seat.“Actually, I don’t think that’s true. I think Ben is so used to pushing people awaythathe doesn’t know how to handle feelings. You know what I think?”Ishook my head.“I think he’s scared. I think he feels the same way about you, but he’s so scared of getting hurtthathe doesn’t know how to handle it. I don’t know anything about his past, but when Jake was alive, he often made jokes at Ben’s expense about his childhood and where he grew up, so I’m guessing whatever he dealt with as a child has left a lot of scars.”
He wasn’t wrong, but I wasn’t going to confirmthat. Ben might have been using me, and in the days or weeks to come, I might have found myself hating him, but I would never share his secrets.
“He changed, you know. These last few weeks,”Dad continued.“And I thinkthatwas your doing. I mean, look. It’s Christmas Eve, and he gave me the day off.Thathasneverhappened before. And he let one of his tenants miss paying this month's rent so she could pay her daughter’s hospital bill. He wouldn’t have done any ofthatbefore he met you.”
My brows shot up.“He did what?”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“No.”
The tips of Dad’s ears turned red; his telltale signthathe had let slip something he wasn’t meant to.“Yeah, his tenant came to the office last week and begged me to help her find a way to delay paying the rent. Apparently, Bella had told the womanthatI’d helped her in the past.”He gave me a pointed look, and I grimaced.“Anyway, Ben heard the commotion, and when the woman told him she couldn’t pay for her groceries, let alone pay the rent, he told her not to worry about it. Heevengot Alice to order a whole load of groceries to be delivered sothatwhen the kid came out of hospital, she wouldn’t go hungry.”
I gaped at my dad, and despite the heartache caused by Ben, I couldn’t help but bathe in the pridethatwarmed me from within.
Hadn’t I once told myselfthatany heartachethatwas waiting for me would be worth it if people got to see the Ben hidden under his brick walls? Ijusthad to hopethathe didn’t revert to his old ways.
