Come on—
She breaks through the surface with a gasp, pushing her hair back as the people below erupt with cheers.
I exhale hard, as though I’ve been underwater with her.
She’s laughing. It’s loud, breathless, and a little disbelieving. Someone grabs her and pulls her into a hug that lifts her slightly off her feet to spin her in a circle.
She has to shove her hair out of her face twice before she can see straight, still laughing as she wraps her arms around him.
I swallow, gripping the phone as I try to identify the dudebro with his hands all over my girl.
Don't, I tell myself.She needs this. This is exactly why you left. She needed to prove to herself that she could jump off a cliff without you. You do not get to be weird about a hug.
I watch it twice, and I'm so damn happy for her, it's unreal. She did that. All on her own.
Zach:Fuck, Honeycomb. This is the best video I’ve ever seen. How did it feel?
Honeycomb??: Like everything and nothing at the same time. My whole body heated right before I went and then the water hit and it just... I don't have a better word for it than clean. I finally felt clean, and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself.
My thumbs hover over the keyboard as I smile sadly.The best thing I've ever done for myself.I want this for her. I just wish I could be by her side, rooting her on.
Honeycomb??:When I was under the water, and it was just me, and I felt this buzz that I can't explain. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before.
Zach:That's the adrenaline. Happens to me after a good game.
And sex with you...I leave that thought out because, boundaries.
Zach:I'm really proud of you.
Honeycomb??: Thanks! I'm proud of me too.
Zach:Zip line. Cliff Jumping. What's next? Bungee jumping or skydiving? Both seem equally petrifying to me.
Honeycomb??: Oh, please. I'm not that brave.
Zach:You sure? A week ago you needed handholding on a forty-foot drop. Today you jumped off a cliff alone. You’re fucking fearless.
Honeycomb??:... yeah, maybe just a little ??
I can hear the smile in it and lie back in the bed, staring at the ceiling. This is probably the perfect time to close the conversation, but I don't want to. She opened this, and I'm not going to be the one to close it.
Zach:Did you write down those feelings?
Honeycomb typing....
The typing disappears, and then it takes her another minute before she responds.
Honeycomb??: A little. I just end up writing about things I'm not supposed to.
Things?Like us? I don't ask because I'm pretty sure she thinks about us as much as I do.
Zach:Write about the cliff. Not the jump. Just before the jump. Write about what happened when you stepped on the edge and the moment you made the decision to move.
Honeycomb??:That is very specific advice from someone who has never written a sentence in his life.
Zach:I'm just telling you exactly what I'd want to read, and if it's what I want, then I have no doubt it's what everyone wants.
Honeycomb??:That's super helpful. Thank you.
