I tried and tried, but still struggled to get the hang of this class. I shouldn’t have felt left out— half the class was still wingless, like I was— but I did. I felt like a loser.
After an hour of practicing, Professor Mara clapped her hands. “That’s enough. It was a valiant effort for today.Mostof you—” she glanced at the wolven boys, “—did well. We’ll resume again next week.”
I was fuming as I left the Conservatory.What gives?I flew every day on the ice. I performed death-defying jumps during practice that most people would be terrified to attempt. I soared through the air on a daily basis, just on blades instead of wings. How was that any different? If anything, this should be easy for me.
Gabby glided by me, hitting me on the shoulder as she passed. I had the urge to pluck a stink-bomb from one of the magical plants that grew them nearby and fling it at her head, but she had flown away before I could do so.
Why was she so threatened by me? It was really kind of pathetic. There were a million other people in this school she could pick on, yet her targets were set on me.
I guess it was kind of a compliment. As the outcast, I should’ve been the weakest threat. But I’d only been here a month and a half, and I was making Gabby shake in her skates. I was already showing her up at practice. She might have an edge on me in magic, but I matched her on the ice. It wouldn’t be long before I caught up in the Arcanea world, too. Then I’d show her what was up.
If I ever got my wings, that was.
Ugh. I was glad the week was over. I went back to my dorm, threw my bag on the floor and changed out of my uniform as quickly as possible.
I was mentally and physically exhausted. And it wasn’t just from class. My body felt weak and tired— like I was totally drained, and was in need of a battery charge. My limbs shook, and a wave of nausea hit. I felt like I was going to collapse any moment.
Knew what that meant. Time for a treatment. I went to my mini-fridge and got out a glass bottle of refrigerated human plasma. I had four bottles in there, a month’s supply, along with a new box of medical supplies sitting in the corner of my dorm room. All my medication was being shipped to the school’s medical ward by the Malovian government, which I could pick up every month so I’d always have a steady supply.
I changed into a baggy shirt and loose yoga pants, then took two pain relievers and an allergy pill before I got to work.
I drew the clear plasma out of the glass bottle with two plastic syringes, then screwed four strands of long, thin and clear tubing onto the syringes. The tubing ended in tiny needles smaller than the tip of my finger. I pushed the syringe so that the plasma flowed through the tubing, until it was primed through the needles at the end.
This was the hard part. I tied my shirt around my middle using a scrunchie, then wiped my stomach clean with alcohol pads. I began inserting the needles, one by one in various places around my stomach.
I nearly fainted the first time I did this. I’d never poked myself with a needle before, but it was either that, or deal with going to the hospital every week to have someone do it for me, and no way was that going to happen. I could take this.
Three of the needles went in easily and painlessly, and I secured them with transparent, square dressings that would stick to my skin and ensure the needles didn’t slip.
I pushed in the last needle. It was blunt, and caught on my skin. I couldn’t bring the needle back out and try again due to risk of infection, so I was forced to stab it on through. I hissed. Black dots swarmed my vision, and I gritted my teeth. I pounded my fist against the desk. Who knew a little needle could hurt so much?
But whatever. They were in. I secured the last needle with the tape, then put the first syringe into a small machine— an infusion pump. It was plastic, smaller than my forearm, and easily transportable. I turned the pump on, and it started pushing the plasma into my system.
I put the infusion pump into a small tote bag that had gray foxes on it, and slung it over my shoulder so I could walk around. I grabbed the TV remote and a blanket as I settled on my bed to watch some movies.
The plasma itched as it went in, causing a red rash to spread across my stomach. The doctors said that was normal, but I wasn’t supposed to scratch at it. It killed me. I put on a heating pad to get some relief, and focused my attention on the show in front of me.
But it was hard. My body felt achy and worn out as the plasma continued to do its work. I struggled to keep my eyes open as my favorite show kept playing. It was like my brain was out there floating, and my body was full of rocks, still stuck on the ground.
The doctors told me the first twelve months of the infusions would be awful, as the medicine was still working on getting all the junk and germs out of my system. I couldn’t imagine feeling like this for twelve months straight. But once the year was over, I’d feel a lot better. I’d crave the infusions instead of hating them, and the side effects would stop. My body would get used to the medicine and would eventually feel off without them, like I was being charged like a battery.
Next year couldn’t come fast enough. Not to mention this shit was making me gain weight. I needed to retain a figure for the ice, but the medication was ruining it. Didn’t have a choice, though.
I couldn’t imagine doing this every week for the rest of my life. It was hard to think of, in that moment. I wondered if I’d ever grow used to it.
There was a knock on the door. I wanted whoever it was to go the hell away, but they kept on knocking. I sighed and got up. No easy feat, either. My feet felt like bricks. I dragged myself to the door and opened up just a crack, so I could peek my head out but the rest of my body was hidden. I didn’t want everyone in the dorm halls to walk past and see me.
“Hey, Emma,” Odette peeped. “I was wondering, do you wanna go for a walk? It’s beautiful out today.”
I was allowed to go places with my infusion pump in. I could just throw it in the bag it came in and walk around with the pump on my back, allowing the treatment to work its magic while I roamed where I pleased. I could go with Odette today. It wouldn’t be a big deal.
But I wasn’t ready yet. I didn’t want people to see me like this— walking around school with a bunch of tubes coming out from under my shirt. They’d ask questions, and they wouldn’t understand when I explained. They’d think I was different. Like some kind of freak.What’s wrong with you?I didn’t want to say.
“Maybe tomorrow,” I said. “I’m kinda feeling tired.”
“That’s okay, I just have some free time, so I figured I’d offer,” Odette said. “Theo wanted to go to a recital later tonight. So let’s hang out at noon tomorrow, kay?”
I nodded and shut the door quietly, feeling queasy. I gently lowered myself back onto the bed and resumed frying my brain with more TV.
