My heart was already broken, to the point I didn’t even want it anymore. Charlie could cut himself on the shards. Worse, he might shatter what was left. After years of gluing the pieces of myself back together, I knew Charlie could obliterate my hard work in one touch. If we didn’t work out… I’d never recover from it.
And then there was the prophecy. The closer Charlie got to me, the more he was in danger. I couldn’t stand it if loving me cost Charlie his life. I’d lose what little sanity I had left.
No. I wouldn’t do that to him. I had to keep him at a distance. For his own sake.
Besides. It wasn’t like he wanted to stay with a bipolar girl like me long-term. He thought everything was dandy now. He hadn’t been around long enough to deal with one of my uncontrollable mania episodes.
And I could feel it coming, crawling over my skin and approaching on the horizon. It’d been like this ever since the Darke Games ended. I sensed the impending spiral, and knew it’d only be weeks before it got here. It only needed something to tip it off, and I’d throw myself right over the edge.
I knew the moment it approached, he’d take off running. No one could watch someone implode and not be affected by the aftershock. I couldn’t blame him once he bolted. So I was doing some preparation for that moment, and making things easier before the final blow came. No need to break up if we never got together. Simple.
“You know how it is at the Institute,” I said, as an excuse. “People find out you care about someone, and they use them to get to you. I don’t want to put Charlie in that kind of danger. You know I have a talent for making enemies.”
Kallie let out a sarcastic noise. “Like anyone would dare to go after Charlie. Quite a few people are impressed with his performance in the Darke Games. His reputation makes people avoid him.”
“Why can't we be friends with benefits?” I asked Kallie. “That way, nobody has to get hurt.”
“Because you already have feelings for him,” Kallie pointed out. “Don’t deny it. I know you do.”
I swallowed. “Feelings don’t have to mean anything. Trust me, Kallie. I’m making the right choice.”
“Well, if you don’t snap him up, some other girl might,” Kallie said. “People want to get with him just for protection. When you were gone, I overheard a couple of girls gossiping about what it’d be like to sleep with thehot blind guy. You know that can only mean Charlie.”
The thought of another girl touching Charlie, let alone having sex with him, made my worst inclinations come out. Murder sounded tempting.
“Charlie can do what he wants,” I said offhandedly. “I’m not going to stop him.”
“Okay.” Kallie’s voice was disappointed. “Just… think about it, all right? He really likes you.”
Yeah, I liked him too. And that was the problem. When emotions got entangled, everything went to shit.
I changed the subject, because I didn’t think I could talk about this without breaking into tears. “So what about you and Marcus?” I asked. “You two went to the dance together. Did anything happen?”
Kallie huffed. “No. He refuses to be alone with me. He’ll hang out with me if Charlie or someone else is around, but whenever we get a moment by ourselves, he’ll run off. We’re just friends, though I thought I made it clear I wanted to be more. I don’t know what his deal is. I thought he liked me.”
“I know he does,” I said. “Maybe he’s just scared about being in a relationship.”
Kallie’s lips twitched. “Like you?”
I frowned. “Hey, I was asking about your love life, not mine.”
“Which is nonexistent,” she said. “If anything did happen, you’d be the first to know.”
I tapped my pencil on top of my books. Romance would have to wait for the both of us, because I had prophecy stuff I needed to tackle. And I wanted Kallie and Marcus to be a part of it. I’d done a lot of thinking over break, and I knew if I was going to fulfill my destiny, I needed my friends. “Can you find Marcus and meet me in the prison yard around five? It’s important.”
“Sure.” Kallie’s eyebrows narrowed. “Is everything all right?”
“It’s just something you need to hear.”
Professor Gael started his lecture then, so I didn’t say anything more. When class was over, I did homework until it was time to meet up with the others.
Charlie, Marcus and Kallie were already waiting for me. They sat on the benches in the prison yard, chatting in low voices. Oberi was chasing Rishi in circles. The cat yowled as Oberi stepped on his tail, and my Familiar whimpered an apology.
“What’s up?” Marcus asked as I approached. He was trying to wipe a large stain of paint out of his sweater, and failing. Kallie rolled her eyes.
Charlie didn’t speak. I was nervous being around him, after what happened earlier. I hoped he didn’t think I was too damaged to deal with. But with Kallie and Marcus around, we couldn’t talk about that right now.
“You guys should come with me,” I said. “Kallie, make sure we’re not followed.”
