“You mean… literally? Yousawsomething.”
I listened closely, and I heard footsteps down the hall. “Not here.”
“Follow me.” Marcus grabbed my arm and dragged me down the hall.
We didn’t stop until we could no longer hear any footsteps. “Whathappenedin there?”
I raked my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know, man. I got hypnotized, and it fucked me up.”
“How?” Marcus sounded worried.
I shook my head. “I can’t even explain. It’s about Ava.”
“I’m listening.”
I sighed. “I remembered something from when I was a kid. A Hawkei god came to me the night Ava was born. She was dying. The only way the gods could save her was with a spell that required a sacrifice.”
Marcus’ voice wavered. “What kind of sacrifice?”
“A sacrifice from me.” My tone came out hollow. I still couldn’t wrap my head around it. “Marcus, I gave up my sight so Ava could live.”
The hall fell dead silent. I wasn’t sure I believed it was true until I said it out loud. But the memory had been so real, sofresh— as if I’d just experienced it yesterday. I’d never known how I’d gone blind. It’d been a mystery to me for years. I figured I’d just had some kind of accident when I was little, and I’d forgotten about it.
Now I knew. It was all for her.
I broke down and told Marcus everything I’d seen in my vision. It was like if I said it out loud, I might be able to make sense of it. It still seemed surreal, though, even though I knew it’d actually happened.
“That’s intense,” Marcus finally said.
“I know. To think… our connection goes deeper than I ever thought.”
“Are you going to tell her?” he asked.
“How can I?” I fell against the wall. “She’ll blame herself.”
“No, she won’t,” Marcus promised.
“She will,” I argued. “Ava knows the shit I went through growing up. Once I was on my own, things got even worse, and a big reason for that was because I was blind. No one would employ me, so I had to turn to other methods to survive. Marcus, I dealt drugs and slept with women off the street just so I wouldn’t freeze in the cold. None of that would’ve happened if I had been able to provide for myself. Believe me, Avawillblame herself for that. I don’t know how I could ever put that burden on her.”
“Ava should know. She has the right. She’s your bonded partner,” Marcus insisted.
“You can’t tell her. It would destroy her to know. We can’t say anything to her about this, because it would ruin her.Promise me, Marcus,” I said.
Marcus was quiet, until he said, “I won’t say anything. But I still think you should tell her the truth.”
I frowned. “I just want to move past it. I’m sick of my past coming up all the time.”
“You can’t justget overstuff like this,” Marcus said gently, like he knew far too well. It was pretty obvious he hadn’t worked through his own shit.
“It’s not that bad,” I argued. “I don’t regret giving up my sight for Ava. I know it made life hard, but I’d do it again a million times. I’m happy I gave up my sight for her.”
“That may be true, but you’re still bitter about your past,” Marcus pointed out.
I crossed my arms. “I want to stop talking about it.”
“That’s not going to fix anything,” he replied.
“Oh?” I questioned. “And you know that how?”
