Charlie was so quiet. I could tell he was holding back, so I said, “You know, we made an agreement to start talking about stuff. If we’re married for real, we might as well start now.”
He hesitated, but he didn’t let his fear stop him from being vulnerable, and I was proud of him for that. “I just… I can’t wrap my head around the idea that someone actuallyloves me, you know? Even when you say it, accepting it is… insane to me.”
“I know you were abandoned, and I’m so sorry,” I said. “I didn’t help with that, either. But I can promise you that my love for you is stable. You aren’t going to lose me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“We’re such different people, though, and we want different things. You need adventure, I need stability… how do we work that in?”
“I can be stable for you— that is, as long as my mind doesn’t get in the way. Can’t promise no more mood swings or bouts of psychosis.” I scowled.
“I’m not talking about your bipolar. That doesn’t scare me. The idea that we might be on different paths does. We got married really young because you wanted to protect me, and though this is a good thing, that is exchanging some of your freedom.”
“We need to be on solid ground before I go off seeking adventure,” I explained. “Travel is important to me, but so are you. I have my whole life ahead of me to explore. That part will come once we have a good foundation.”
“You trust that you won’t lose it by being with me?”
“I know you wouldn’t take that away from me. That’s all the reassurance I need.”
Charlie rubbed my arm slowly. Ancestors, I nearly shivered at how good it felt. “Why’d we even break up in the first place? Seems stupid now.”
“I don’t know,” I replied. “I think I figured… if you were with me, my prophecy would kill you. I knew the closer you were to me, the more danger you were in. So even if I wanted you, it didn’t matter, because keeping you alive was more important than making sure we stayed together.”
Charlie massaged my shoulder. “I think we agreed to split up because we wanted to keep each other safe. But I’m starting to realize we don’t have much control over that, anyhow.”
That much was true. When we died and how was up to the gods above, not us. We could choose our paths, but we couldn’t decide everything. I fought against fate as much as anyone, but even I was beginning to understand the things I had power over and the things I didn’t.
A few seconds of silence slipped by before Charlie whispered, “I’m sorry I took your key in the woods.”
Agony invaded my senses. For the first time, I turned away from him and curled up on my side. “I don’t want to talk about that.”
“But we have to. It was fucked, Ava. I shouldn’t have done it, even if my motives were to keep you safe.”
That night in the forest had been one of my most beloved memories… and also one of the worst. Charlie and I had shared every feeling and touch underneath the shade of pine trees and the falling rain. I’d never felt more free or more loved.
But he’d soured it when he’d later revealed he’d used the moment to steal the key my mother had given me, in an attempt to destroy it so I wouldn’t continue down the path of my prophecy. I knew he’d just been trying to protect me, so I wouldn’t be at risk of what the prophecy said.
Yet he’d taken advantage of me when I was at my most vulnerable, at the worst possible moment he could. I wanted to forgive him for it, but it was hard to think he wouldn’t do something like that again, because he proved he was capable.
“What can I do?” His voice was pleading. “I definitely screwed up.”
Keeping my back to him felt wrong, so I faced him again, though I kept our legs separate. “I don’t know,” I replied. “I know you’d never force me to do anything, so it’s not like I’m afraid of you. But since we’re being honest, that’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to me.”
“You deserve to feel safe in that kind of situation,” Charlie said. “I want to win your trust back. Tell me how.”
“It’s just going to take time,” I said. “I can’t be in the moment if I’m wondering if you’ve got ulterior motives—”
“There won’t be any. Not ever again.”
“Then I forgive you. I trust you won’t do anything like that again.”
“I won’t,” Charlie insisted. “I promise.”
We were making a lot of promises today. Fear was welling up inside of me that we couldn’t keep them.
That was just my ego talking. Yeah, I was afraid, but I loved Charlie more than I feared the future, and I had an inner knowing that things would work out as long as we stuck together. Call it my intuition— she’d never failed me yet.
Charlie’s fingers moved from my shoulder to the ends of my hair. “I prayed for somebody like you to enter my life for the longest time. I never thought I’d actually find you, but you managed to show up at the perfect moment.”
“I wish we could’ve had more time,” I hushed. “You’re why I believe in love. After I was raped, I didn’t think I’d be able to feel that way about anyone. Then you came along, and it was like everything changed. Sometimes I think that if we’d always known each other, we could’ve kept each other safe.”
