‘He had to find out sometime, didn’t he? I should have told him. I think he would have preferred to hear it from me.’
‘Yeah, I think so.’
My tone is bitter enough to hurt Ollie.
‘I meant what I said, about me wishing we were still friends.’ Ollie reads my expression, maybe waiting for an outburst.
‘I have to think about us being friends.’
‘Ah, okay.’ Ollie pauses, before saying, ‘Alec said this is a nice place.’
Two men stroll in, heading straight for the woman smoking. Their heads are shaved, piercings in their ears, their noses, their eyebrows. They grimace as they sit next to her, all of them silent. I try not to meet their gaze, for the fear of them saying something to us, or worse.
Killing us.
‘Must not have been here for a few years.’
‘I hate to ask, Will, and I promise I haven’t brought you here just for this, but now that all of this has calmed down, are you still going to be our celebrant?’
I stare at the bar. ‘I don’t know if I can.’
‘Please, Will.’
My lips quiver. The woman and her comrades are watching us. The bartender, too, as if we were characters in a soap opera, here for their personal entertainment.
I pick up my pint, downing it, gulping it down until there is nothing left.
‘Will?’
I shouldn’t have done that. An almighty belch escapes from me like a demon being exorcised.
Stunned, I cover my mouth, staring at Ollie.
He leans back, as if blown by the force. Finally, he says, ‘Nice.’
‘I’m sorry.’ For that.
Ollie’s shoulders slump. His hair is at odd angles.
‘Alec has given me his blessings,’ Ollie says. ‘He knows I’m here. Knows I’m asking.’
‘How do I know I can trust you?’
‘Ring him right now. You can ask him.’ Ollie places his phone on the table, unlocked. His screensaver is a photo of him and Alec, windswept, hugging.
‘You said maybe we might bring the worst out in one another,’ I say. ‘But I think we sometimes brought the best out in one another.’ Ollie ponders me, and I sigh. Because there are many happy memories. I fell in love with him for a reason, and I know he loved me. I know we were right for each other at that time in our lives. He’s not perfect. But he’s not evil. He chews his nails, scratches his forehead, and I know I can’t do this to him. I can’t let him down. ‘I’ll be your celebrant, Ollie.’ He eyes me with hope, hand dropping from his forehead to the table. ‘If Alec is truly happy with that, and you’re not lying to me, I’ll do it.’
‘Thank you, Will.’
‘It’s fine.’
The foam in my otherwise empty pint of beer slides downwards. ‘Can I get you another? It would be good to chat about anything other than the wedding for a bit.’
I stand. ‘No, I should get going.’
Ollie looks pained. ‘Will?’
‘Yes, Ollie.’
