“Really.”
He has to go. There’s no other choice.
I gnaw on the inside of my cheek as an idea forms.
“What if I finish the next year at the community college while you get acclimated to New York? Then, I’ll move.”
Wilder lets out a long groan. “I told you already. I can’t be away from you.”
“We could take turns traveling on Friday afternoons. Spend Saturdays together. Go home on Sunday.”
“I love you,” he whispers before kissing me softly. “But I am not leaving you.”
“It’s a year,” I challenge. “Not even that. You have two semesters, like four months each. We can handle it.”
“You can handle it,” Wilder rephrases. “I can’t.”
This is not a fight either of us will win right now. It’s a conversation we need to have after we’ve thought about it for a while and considered all our options.
But before I can say that, Wilder adds a caveat.
“I can’t afford it,” he says. “Even if I wanted to go—even if you went with me—I don’t have the money to go.”
“What about student loans?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “If I could pay for half of it and take out student loans for the rest, then yeah. Maybe. But you know I’m weird about money.”
“I know,” I assure him as I place my hand on his chest. “I know having debt is hard for you because your mom struggled so much when you were younger.”
Wilder rarely talks about it, but he wasn’t allowed to answer the phone in case a creditor was calling.
Debt scares him almost as much as heights.
“Why don’t we put this on the back burner?” I suggest. “And talk about Margot.”
“I’m not going home right now,” he says. “I need this trip.”
“How is Elowyn?” I ask, ignoring the sheer terror written all over his face at the idea of having to turn this car around and drive home.
“I don’t know,” he honestly replies. “I haven’t talked to her.”
Wilder never responds well to advice—especially when it’s not asked.
I’m going to give it to him anyway.
“I’m sure this hasn’t been easy on her,” I say carefully.
“What am I supposed to do?” he asks, his eyes searching my face helplessly.
“Maybe she just needs you to answer,” I offer carefully. “Not fix anything. Just answer.”
“My dad is ignoring her. He really is the shittiest.”
I laugh softly. “Elowyn is not your dad. She’s not even her mom. She’s someone—like you—who didn’t ask to be born—but was. You’re in the same boat.”
“She was given everything,” Wilder quietly reminds me.
“Family is everything, Wilder. Even if they don’t always get along.”
