“I didn’t choose this family,” he defends himself.
“You didn’t.”
“I can’t help that they’re falling apart,” he continues. “I fell apart. My mom fell apart. And other than my grandparents, no one cared. My dad didn’t care. Neither did Margot. They had Elowyn. They had their perfect little family while I had to room with Cash until my grandparents could make room for us.” He pauses, breathing hard. “Now that Margot’s dying they want to be a family? Where has my dad been for the last twenty years? I’ve been right here, Ingrid. I’ve always been right here.”
My arms wrap around his shoulders as I pull him closer.
This was never about keeping something from me. This was always about Wilder and his relationship with his dad.
He doesn’t want to deal with it, and that’s what he does when he talks to me. He lays bare the rawest parts of himself and hopes they don’t scare me.
But they don’t.
I know Wilder.
I’ve always known exactly who he is.
“I’m right here,” I say to him as I rub his back.
His arms slip around my waist, and he buries his face in my neck.
Maybe that’s why the three of us—Widler, Cash and me—stick so close. No one really chose us first.
“We’re your family, Wilder. Cash and me. We’re not choosing anyone over you.”
He visibly relaxes.
We stay like that for a while—wrapped up in each other—before Wilder pulls back to look at me.
“I think there’s something wrong with me,” Wilder whispers, his face pale.
“Why?” I ask, trying to keep the horror out of my voice.
“Because when Cash told me about Margot, I felt… nothing. I still feel nothing. I should feel something, right?”
But the truth is, I don’t know.
I don’t know how we’re supposed to grieve or react or love people. I used to think I did, but not anymore.
“You get to feel however you feel, Wilder,” I tell him.
He drops his head to my shoulder and years of exhaustion come out as he says, “Sometimes, I wish my dad had left right away.”
I don’t respond.
Because I don’t know how to.
Chapter Twenty
The Manscaping Debate
Ingrid
There’s a coffee shop around the corner from our hotel in Flagstaff. It’s a short walk. And since Wilder is in the shower and Cash is still sleeping, it’s the perfect time to sneak out.
Just for a few quiet moments to myself.
Because everything is still raw and tender and fragile from yesterday.
