That truth sat in his stomach, uncomfortable and bubbling as though he had eaten too much rotting meat. Gruffly, he reached out a hand for her to take. "We have to get going," he said. "I apologize, Sisu. It's a hard life being bound to me."
"Bound?" she said with a soft smile, but it was one that didn't reach her eyes. "Am I bound to you, Proteus?"
He thought so. He willed it to be so. She was the only one he would admit to wanting to keep alive, and he fully intended for her to be by his side until the day he had to let her go.
Solemnly nodding, he drew her against his chest and pressed her to his hearts. There, at least, he knew she was alive. He could keep her with him, even if he was a lying, devious fool.
He made sure her mask was on tightly before drawing her into the water. Proteus still didn't trust the breathing apparatus, so he took a moment at the surface, skimming below it, to make sure that she could breathe.
Apparently, she shared the same concern. It was almost as though she were holding her breath before she finally forced an inhalation. When it worked, she gave him a thumbs up, and he sank deeper into the waves.
They headed back toward the facility where the others waited for them. He knew this was one of the last moments they had alone together, and he refused to waste it. Not when the awkward silence between them made him feel even worse for what he had done. She knew. He knew. And he wanted to fix what he could.
"Do you know why I call you Sisu?" he asked quietly, his voice a low murmur as he propelled them through the water.
The kraken let out a low moan behind them, and he could hear the sounds of an old ship shifting underneath its weight.The great beast sounded as if it was warning him not to give so much away. That she didn't deserve to know the nickname he had given her so early.
"I don't."
"Names like this are an old tradition among the People of Water. They have given names, with a meaning that is always the hope for the child. But then, those who know them, really know them, give them another name. It is that name they are called by only those who..." He almost said those who loved them.
Because if he was even capable of the emotion, that was how he felt about her.
She had proven to be a light in his darkness, and he wasn't sure how to verbalize that. He wanted to tell her that he did, indeed, love her. That his broken, torn apart soul had seen something in her that made him want to stay a little longer.
It wasn't a feeling he was used to. Or a feeling that he wanted to admit just yet.
So instead, he shook his head to clear the thoughts away and continued speaking. "Sisu is a word for someone who endures. It's quiet strength, grace under pressure, a determination to continue no matter how hard it gets. It is what I saw in you from that very first moment when you looked up at me after I had destroyed your arm, and you told me you had survived worse. You are all of these things and more, Ellie. Far more than you give yourself credit for."
She sucked in a long breath, and bubbles obscured his vision. For a moment, he thought he had insulted her, but then she reached up and pressed her hands to either side of his face.
Proteus allowed her to turn in his arms, so that they were looking each other in the eyes as she said, "You have the ability to be so sweet. As crushing as you can be, as horrible and tempestuous and maddening, you somehow reach inside mysoul and piece back together all the things you break. I don't know how you do that."
He drew her closer so he could press their foreheads together. "Because I desperately wish to keep you," he whispered. "The thought of losing you is almost..."
Proteus didn't know how to verbalize it. He was a fool. An idiot. She needed to hear the words out of his mouth, and he needed to tell her how she turned all of his world to starlight.
Swallowing hard, he tried to do his best. "When I was a young boy, first created, first learning how to swim in this seemingly unending sea, I remember being in a certain area of the ocean for a while. It was where it was safe to swim, but I snuck out. In the middle of the night, I ended up in the middle of a storm-worn sea. But there was a small area of calm. So small that the currents still plucked at my tail, but in that center, there was nothing but stillness. That is how I feel when you are with me, Sisu. I can only see you and the knowledge that we will continue forward. No matter what."
Bubbles erupted again, but this time they surrounded his face and hers. He could feel them tickling the underside of his chin, almost making him laugh with the sheer joy of it all.
Her in his arms. The sea finally bent to his will. His plan nearly perfect.
All of this would take time. He knew that. But he could live for centuries more to make sure that the humans did exactly what he wanted them to do. No matter what, he would keep her, he realized. She would stay with him, and together... Together they would do whatever they wanted. They would rule this sea, and they would make everything theirs. For good.
But when had anything good ever happened to him?
Proteus felt the first strike against his side with a strange sense of déjà vu. There was a spot of pain, delayed as it wasbecause his mind raced to keep up with what had happened. Another in his tail. Then a third. A fourth.
Blood bloomed in the water. He had forgotten that his blood even looked like that. A strange crimson mix of red and black, a combination of what should not be. He stared at the plumes that obscured his vision of her and felt his hearts racing.
His first thought was fear that she had gotten hurt. He held her a little harder, hearing her soft sound of pain as he crushed her against him a little too tightly.
"Are you hurt?" he asked, his tone frantic. "Ellie!"
But then something hit his arms as well. Two somethings that were stronger than he could fight against. Something was in the water. Something that turned his mind a little foggy, and he couldn't quite focus on what needed to be done.
It was a mistake to loosen his grip on her. But she made that soft sound again, that sound of pain as though he was hurting her, and he'd promised that he would stop doing that.
