It was horrible, mind-numbing, worse than death.
Poppy is right, and it eats at me. I carry Sefina into the cavern where Brothers form a ring of protection around the human females in the center. They make up little beds with scraps of blankets and light the cavern with a handful of lanterns strapped to stalactites. Women huddle together for warmth and share food to make sure everyone gets a bite of something.
They all deserve better than this. I can’t give them peace. I am only capable of killing and carrying the weight others can’t.
I find Rebel busy with two other injured females. Poppy sets Sefina’s bag down beside me as I sit on the floor. She checks under Sefina’s tongue and seems to approve of how much the root has dissolved.
“Be honest with her.” Poppy gets up and walks off.
A few minutes later, Rebel finds me and kneels beside Sefina. “You can lay her down.”
“Still root under her tongue.”
“Ah. Okay.” Rebel examines me with his tablet before a light smile cracks on his face.
“What?” I growl, feeling like everyone’s attention is suddenly on us.
“Nothing.” Rebel keeps smiling and just shakes his head.
I grumble, feeling like I’m losing control of the situation. Everyone knows I want Sefina in some form or another, even though I’ve tried to keep it hidden and stay away from her. But I have to be close enough to know she’s okay, or it haunts me everywhere I go.
“I think she’ll be alright with some rest.” Rebel pockets his scanner. “You good to hold her for a few more hours?”
“If I must.”
Rebel gets up and surveys those around us. “Morbid is available if you would like to trade out.”
“No.”
Rebel doesn’t press the matter or pester me with questions like Poppy and Shifter. “Make sure she gets water when she wakes. That root will dehydrate her. It’s very potent.”
He gets up to leave.
“Rebel?”
“Yes?” He patiently waits for me to get up the courage to ask.
“What’s happening to her?”
He squats beside us. “She was only with a small group of people before us. Down here, the concentration of life forms is high. She has a heightened awareness of others compared to other humans.”
He slips a finger inside her collar and exposes a tattoo of a shield with a sword and a ribbon swirling around it. “She was a sentinel. She guarded augmented mediums and has scanner implants so she can see what we see.”
“That’s why she doesn’t hear our conversations but always knows where the welvirs are?” I ask.
“Likely. She tries to hide it, sort of like you hiding from your past.” He rests a hand on my shoulder. “Enjoy the peace before she wakes up.”
I wince. “You’re a dick.”
Rebel chuckles to himself. “No, I’m warning you the way I usually warn othersaboutyou. Finally get a taste of your own medicine.”
I snarl at him but don’t hate him because, deep down, I know he’s right. And it’s a disappointing reflection of my personality. But I can’t bring myself to be anything but ruthless. It’s what it takes to survive the Solcrue. And I’ll never let myself be vulnerable like I once was again.
I can’t fall for her.
I can’t fall for her.
But as I stare down at Sefina’s sleeping face and sense the heat of her warm body against mine, I start to want something else for myself than revenge. I want more moments like this: quiet, comfortable, and with someone I care for.
I miss feeling human.
And I do respect her. I just suck at showing it because it wasn’t programmed into me to be understanding. I was designed to end life. They tortured and weaponized me against my own kind. And then I mutated into something irredeemable.
But in this moment, watching her chest rise and fall with every breath, I want a different purpose. I wish I could be what she deserves with every ounce of me. So I make a decision.
I swear from this breath on, I will do everything I can to use what I’ve become to make up for my mistakes and keep Sefina safe, whether she wants me to or not.
If she makes it.
I hope she does, or I may decommission myself for harming the only one who might understand this monster I’ve become.
