"Are you making a very expensive call to complain?"she asked, her face shimmering with distortion over the great distance.I'd locked into a couple of pricey relays, but she'd accepted.I was sure I'd receive a bill later with an additional fee for her time.
I sucked in a hard breath, willing myself to grind down the edge of my irritation, which currently felt sharp enough to cut."I guess I'm looking for some information," I said finally.
The eyestalk twisted back my way."Are you?"Her voice buzzed with the static of deep space."It is not free."
Well, I fucking knewthat."I want to tell you a story, and then I want you to tell me if I'm more or less right about what happened.So I'm not asking for new information.I'm asking forconfirmation."
Her long mouth flattened."Fact-checking is expensive.How will you pay?"
Part of me wanted to say that Creche Thiel was going to pay, but I couldn't even think about Araxis without going white-hot with fury, which was chased immediately by a sorrow so deep and black that I knew I could lose myself to it forever if I looked too hard.I didn't want to owe himanything, notever.So I wracked my brain, thinking about what I had that might be valuable.Besides a couple massive debts and a CPEF claim against me, I was out of anything worth, well,anything.
Although…
"CPEF has ruled a claim against me legitimate," I said.
"Yes, I am aware."
"Are you aware that it also names the other injured parties?"
Her second eyestalk flicked my way."The investors from Mar?"
"It doesn't give their personal names, but –" I pulled up the file to check."I've got investment firms.I bet you could work with that.Knowing which ruling warrens are stuck in with Seraphim could be prettyvaluable information for the right buyers."
Her breath fluted out her thin nostrils, whistling."Tell your story, and I will determine if this information is a fair exchange."
The fact that she wasn't insisting that I send the CPEF paperwork first was a good sign.And that her eyestalks had pivoted to look elsewhere at something more interesting.It was a done deal, in Trident's mind anyway.
How the fuck had I ever thought she cared about me in the slightest?
Then again, how had I ever thought Araxis did?How had I believed he could?
The thought was like a spike of ice driven into my chest, and I had to take a moment to catch my breath, looking away at the windows that showed slices of the blackest parts of space.It hurt; god, did ithurt.But I had to know, didn't I?No matter what I had signed myself up for, knowing was… essential.
Maybe Iwouldthrow myself out of an airlock after all.That was a good back-up option.Oblivion was always waiting, just in case.
"A number of months ago," I said, voice low as I sat on the floor on the far side of the bed, where I'd be hardest to see if Nilli got concerned, "someone from Creche Thiel contacted you.Either they were looking for a virra and had heard you had one, or you'd put the word out yourself."
"They were looking," she said, sounding bored."Some abayan clients made noises and word got out to a few select circles."
Myheartthrobbed, pulsing weakly,likethe death throes of a sick animal.It was going to get worse.I knew it was.
I swallowed, throat thick and gummy."Araxis must have come to see me and pick me up.You just needed a reason for me to leave – and there had been a debt claim against me stuck in limbo for years.Seraphim tried to file six times; there was no reason this one should have stuck, unless you let it.It was good leverage to have waiting in the wings for when you needed it.And you needed it when Araxis wanted me, so you had your friend dust off the last claim and send it through so that I was ripe for the picking."
Alet Trident was quiet, hovering in the space in front of me.
I shifted, my elbows slumping down to my knees, legs crossed in front of me; the angle made mybackpull tight where I was still healing, but I couldn't bring myself to care.I looked through her translucent projection, humming and flickering across the vast distance of space, toward the windows and into the great void beyond.I knew what came next.I could see it all now."So you sold me, basically.Araxis wanted a virra, and he needed one who would be easy to get to declare for him."
"I did not sell you," said Alet, nostrils flattening in her angular face."I simply removed a layer of protection you were not even aware of, for a reasonable finder's fee."
"But – did you plan on having me enter the Tournament?"I asked, throat tight.Because it was one thing to come after me and to –lureme in under false pretenses.It was something else to –
"Yes," said Alet Trident, flat."Did you think it was coincidence that you kept hearing about it from every client and the other dancers?Your participation was part of the arrangement.And you did perform well.Apparentlyyouraudienceengagement was quite impressive."She sniffed, a wet sound that crackled over the wristband's speakers."I would have liked those residuals very much."
I couldn't even muster enough energy to care about the way she spoke about my suffering.
I had expected this – getting the truth,acceptingthe truth – to hurt, and it did… but that pain rapidly dissolved like salt in water until I felt nothing.I was numb, the universe around me slipping away inch by inch, like it had when Andiri had squeezed her fingers around my throat.I couldn't feel the floor under me, or the weight of my elbows on my knees.I couldn't feel the soft sweater against my neck or the weight of my head on my shoulders.I was nothing and no one.
They had known all along who I was.Araxis had chosen me, and then pretended everything else that happened had been real: the drawn-out tension between us, the sword-dancing, the thoughtful meals and the late night conversations, how assured he'd been when he kissed me that first time, the plan to participate in the Tournament, even when I met thekids–
