Araxis looked upward, a flash of surprise flicking across his features before a smile caught the side of his mouth, and he nodded.His black eyes were bright, lit up with pride, and then the attendants descended upon him to whisk him away for the victory ceremony as soon as they stopped the bleeding.
"Well," said Nilli, turning off the screen."Your sinnenthi has won.All is well, Sashen of Creche Thiel, as we hoped it would be."When I tore my stare away from where the screen had been, I saw that her eyes shone wetly, as if she too had been close to tears.
My heart still hammered against my ribs.Iwasadrift in a sea of emotions I couldn't begin to name or understand."Thank you for being here with me," I said, and I was startled to hear that my voice was shaking.I looked and saw my hands trembling too.And then, because she was smiling at me with her teary eyes, I added, "Nilli, I'm so sorry about your spouse.I shouldn't – You shouldn't have had to watch this with me.I shouldn't have asked –"
Her features softened."Oh, dear one, it has been a joy for me to spend this time with you.How healing it has been to been to see the start of a new love when my own has come to its end.It is a fine thing to spend any portion of your life with your beloved, no matter the sorrow along the way, and Remnaranth and I had many yearstogether.I do not need to be entinn to see how your sinnenthi cherishes you, or that your affection for him is profound.But… you are kind to think of me when your heart is the one that needs tending.You may wish to sit now, Sashen; we will travel down to the surface for the ceremony."Then, after a moment, she looked at me again and smiled."You are lucky, both of you."
Nilli pulled up a message interface while I nodded numbly and sat down, buckling in.I didn't have the heart to correct her.
We were quickly directed to the landing pad at the start of the promenade, which I'd had to walk six times the last time I'd been there.This time, though, I was certain I was camera ready.The shuttle settled down gently.I unbuckled and stood before the door, steeling myself for the flurry of cameras that would greet me when I stepped out.
What was I going to say when I saw him?We'd still be on camera until the ceremony was over and we retreated to the waiting shuttle to go wherever it was Araxis had mapped out – Nilli had promised me she'd be waiting and had stressed several times how pleased she would be to meet Araxis – so it wasn't like I could open with,So you've been lying to me all along, you motherfucker.
There was also the unfortunate fact that I was still very much in love with him.I hadn't realized I was capable of holding such consuming fury inside of me, while also feeling like my affection for him was a sharp-edged blade lodged deep in the fleshy walls of my heart.When Zey'flen had him on the back foot on the sands, I had felt like my entire universe might end and I knew, deep in my bones, that if Araxis died, I would never leave the black pit of despair to follow.
So how did I balance those two extremes?I was also pretty pissed that both endshurt.It hurt how angry I was; it hurt how much I wanted nothing more than to be close to him.
At least it was over now, and we'd have the space to figure out what was next.No,Iwould have the space to figure outmymoves and what worked forme, and Araxis was going to have to keep up.
I just had to stop worrying about making him happy.Or making him like me.I had to stop thinking about his needs.
I could do that.I was mad enough.I had to be.
I bounced a little bit on the balls of my feet, waiting for the door to open.I still didn't have a plan, but given the way my plans had been working out, it was probably better if I played it by ear."Thank you again, Nilli," I said."For everything, and for being here.I'll see you soon."
She trilled, amused for some reason I didn't grasp."Yes, Sashen of Creche Thiel.I will be watching the ceremony.I'm glad it will be less dramatic than the sands.I'm too old for such excitement!"
"Honestly, I thinkI'mtoo old for anything like that again," I grumbled, and she trilled again and I grinned at her, and then the door to the shuttle slid open and I stepped into a swarm of cameras.
Silver Sea was waiting, along with a whole slew of other workers – I saw the korzoi again, and the blue ketaari who'd pierced my ears and powdered glitter on to my face – and she sidled up to me."Come this way," she said, and I could see her suppress a pleased ketaari grimace when she looked me over."Really, swords?"Her stare flicked to the hilts over my shoulder.
"They areliterallyall that I own."
"Untrue," she said in a monotone."I have collected your bag from your rooms in the village.You also own several pairs of socks, two shirts, two sweater, and other odds and ends."
I laughed, delighted, and bumped my shoulder into her as we walked.She tapped away on her wristband, but her eyes narrowedin amusement."Did you miss me?"I asked, taking long strides to keep up with her.It felt incredible to move freelyandto take up space, and I revelled in itlikea caged animal finally set loose.The cameras winked all around us.
"I enjoyed a leisurely few days away from your incessant questions," Silver Sea said.We reached the end of the promenade and passed through the massive gates, and she gestured me toward the arena."Araxis is in one of the staging rooms as we prepare for the ceremony.It will be on the sands.Is that… acceptable to you?I assume you wish to join him."
"Yeah, that's fine," I said, touched by her thoughtfulness.It was nice to have someone check in, even if it was in an oblique and public-facing way.And then, because I had to, "How is he?"
Her eyes narrowed further as I followed her through a set of broad double-doors set into the wall of the arena.Above, the public access doors and walkwayswere throngingwith people.Some audience members didn't stay for the ceremony.Once the bloodshed was over, they picked up and left."He is very excited to see you," she said, heading up a curving set of stairs.Some of the other attendants fell away, stopping in different areas along our route, until it was just the two of us and a cluster of silver cameras.
"And his shoulder?"It had still been bleeding freely when he'd been whisked off the sands.
"He is being attended to by medical staff."
"Great, but how bad was it?It looked nasty.Was there damage to the muscle?Will they need to do surgery?It looked really stiff at the end."
A thin breath whistled out of her nostrils."You two are very alike."
My eyebrows shot up."You think?"Honestly, I wasn't sure two people could be more different.He was a poised and controlled prince who was also a filthy liar; I was a hot, gullible mess who had a nice smile but apparently barely knew which way was up.
"You are both rather preoccupied with each other.Wind Petal and I have spoken about this at some length.It is good to have a colleague who understands the particular difficulties we have each endured."She turned and led me down a broad hallway, lit with what looked like replica sconces which mimicked the flickering of flames.So we'd arrived at the 'historical set dressing' part of the arena.
"Wind Petal?"
This time, she looked at me with disapproval.
