I huffed out a breath, something near to a laugh, as one of my hands ran along the muscle of his thigh."It's been pretty nice," I admitted, my fingertips skating along the inside of his leg, tracing the faintest texture of ridges embossed into his skin – and, as my hand trailed upward, it met the slide of his slick, which had dripped down his thigh.My grip tightened as Araxis's breath hitched."How long had you been waiting for me to wake up, all slick and ready?"I ran my hand further up his pliant body, brushing the pink plate protecting his cock.Hisbody trembledagainst me, my other hand sliding around his hip and holding him in place while I slid my fingers down from his hidden cock to his dripping slit, tracing the shape of him.
Araxis sucked in a breath, chest rumbling in a way that made his entire body tremble.Even though I'd just come, I could feel the faint stirring of arousal twitching in my cock.I ran my fingers down his slit, gathering the glistening slick.I caressed and explored, much as he had with his hand curled around my length."Long enough," he hissed, with a sweet little spasm as I curled a finger inwards, seeking the hot depths of his body.
"Are you always this ready?"I slid my finger from his slit, just a bit, then plunged it in again, and he whined out a needy sound.My thumb brushed the plate that protected his cock – could I do both at once?I thought I could – and he gasped out.
"I – Whenever you're around.It was –" A low moan cut off his words, and then he reached and caught my wrist as I rubbed my wet fingers uphis length.His fingers tightened, holding me just off his body.
I froze, waiting, as he breathed hard.
"It was almost torture, training with you," he said finally."I've always taken pride in my self-control, and you… obliterate that.When you touch me, I feel like I could forsake everything else, just to have more.Iamdistracted when you're around, Sashen – but I want to be, more than anything.I want you here."
Heat throbbed in my chest, even as the words –I want you here–settled on me with the smallest shadow of discomfort."Should Istop?"I asked, his fingers a vise around my wrist; I shifted my hand just a little so that he knew what I meant."Was that –"
"Not too much, no.But I need to get us tea, and if you keep going, I'm going to come and then I'll need to come again, and we'll be here all morning."He let go of my wrist, and I shifted behind the smooth expanse of his back, blankets pooled in my lap.In the dim light, his profile was sharp and impossibly perfect, andthe corner of his mouth hooked in a pleased smile."More when I come back?And perhaps… we could talk."He said it with significance.
I nodded, chest tight, and he turned and pressed a gentle kiss to my mouth, before stepping into the washroom to clean up and pulling on my hideous pink and black sweater.He tapped the lights a little brighter before leaving, and then he left me alone with my thoughts.
On the one hand, those thoughts immediately wanted to dive into an exhaustive cataloguing of what I might do to him when he returned.Now that I'd had four days to taste his body, to learn the sounds he made when I was in it, to see how keen he was to please me, it felt like I was careening into a habit I wasn't going to be able to shake.
On the other hand…
I want you here.I wanted to be here too.
Would it be so bad, to be out of a job?
Perhaps we could talk.
My chest was tight, my throat hot.I rolled on to my back and blinked up at the top of Araxis's bunk, scrubbing a hand hard across my face as I forced myself to think about what came next for me, and what that would do to him.
Tomorrow, I'd ask to be dropped off near Thenat-6.Maybe I'd even ask tonight.I didn't know what would be better, but Araxis was smart: even if I lied about why I was going to the arena – maybe to help with training, or,I don’t know,to hook up with some contestants to keep them happy – he'd figure it out.Would he try to talk me out of it?Probably.But what other option did I have?I had a massive debt Seraphim had claimed, and the entrance fee that I nowowed to Alet Trident, and if I broke the contract with the media conglomerate, the fees on that alone were enough to bury me until the Tournament came around again.I'd checked a couple days earlier, because something about the soft way he talked to me late at night, the way he'd looked at me when I was naked in his sheets, had made me feel, for a delusional moment, like maybe there was something between us.Maybe there could be.He'dtrustedme with the truth of who he was,clearly seeing that he couldopen himself up to me; maybe he needed someone like me in his life.
And now that I was sleeping so well by his side, now that he'dstarted lookingat me in that particular soft way and was maybe (maybe!) thinking about asking me to stay – I thought he might be, really I did, and it was only partially due to my own daydreaming – I was well and truly fucked, and not in the way I enjoyed.
Because I was being chased by the unrelenting wolves of my own shitty life, and Araxis has enough on his shoulders already.
If I told him – orwhenhe figured it out – Araxis would want to help, because that was who he was.He'd insist on finding a way through for me.He'd want to take care of me.And now that we were fucking in a way that was pretty damn spectacular – since he'd told me he'd never even felt attracted to anyone before; since he'd looked at me with his soft eyes in the dining room and then when our cocks were sliding against one another, holding me,caringfor me – he would, I thought, do anything he could to protect me, even from my own shitty choices.
He'd done that for Vivith.And he hadn't known me for long but…
Araxis was steadfast.He was the kind of person who didn't give up, and he moved with such purpose, such intention, that it was clear he knew his mind and would act accordingly.He'd been kind to me since the beginning, and soft with me when I was difficult; he'd been able to speak the truth of who he was even though the whole Concord and his own creche thought it was bullshit.He was a person of conviction, and if he thought I was going to be hurt, he would take it upon himself to make things right.
And what was worst, perhaps, was that Iwantedhim to gather me up, tell me it was all going to be alright, and just fix everything.I wanted him to tell me to stay.I wanted him tokeep me, I thought miserably as I raised my hand up and felt the skin where he'd bitten down; the mark hurt when I pressed my thumb into it, but in a way that made my chest ache with belonging.
This trip, which I'd started out thinking about as a reprieve, was maybe more like a curse.Now that I knew what I'd be losing, and I had a glimpse of what I could have had, the comedown was going to be devastating.It already was.
I'd been worried that sleeping with Araxis might be too intense for him.Given everything I'd read about abayan attitudes toward sex, I'd been bowled over that he hadn't felt overwhelmed or shy;insteadhe'd been certain, commanding, confident.Had he thought there might be something more between us?Had he felt what I was feeling too?Because it might not have been intense for him in the way I'd anticipated, but it had sure been intensefor me.It still was: thinking about him, thinking aboutleavinghim, made my throat tighten, my heart throb, and every cell in my body scream out that Icouldn't.He'd said he was mine, and I was his –
And that's what I wanted.And I absolutely couldn't have it.
Which meant Araxis couldn't either, and I worried that this would be one more burden for him to carry.ThatIwould be that.
I needed a way out that would do as little damage as possible.That was the least I could fucking do: minimize the ripple effect of my shitty choices and my shitty life.I just wouldn't tell him.I was going to lie my way off of this ship, and then he'd see me on galactic television and he'd understand, maybe.I'd have to leave him a note or something.But for now, I needed to… extricate myself.I had a day and change left on this ship, one more night with him, so I needed to start to pull away.The longer I indulged myself in this fantasy, the harder it was going to be on everyone when I ripped myself away.
So when Araxis returned with a pot of tea and two cups, balanced perfectly on a tray alongside a small plate with slices of fruit andother chilled foods, I had something of a plan.I'd cleaned up a bit, but hadn't bothered pulling on clothes, so I was delighted by Araxis's usual pink flush when he took in the sight of me.He looked like that – pleased and still, even now, surprised – every time he saw me naked in his bed.Like I was a dream made real.
Which was why we needed a wake-up call, I guessed.Both of us.
I might normally try to start a conversation like this in a roundabout way – I would if he was a client – but I figured that, as I was in uncharted territory, I might as well try a new approach.Araxis sat delicately on the edge of the mattress, placing the tray between us and pouring two cups of fragrant pale tea, and I took my opening."So Idoactually have to work," I said.
