I grinned up at him, warm and pleased."I know.I was there."
"No, I mean that I came from inside as well."He was glassy-eyed and looked at least a little ruined, in the best way.Dazed, confused.His cock had retreated back into his body, which was a bit of a shame: I'd have liked to admire it for longer."That hasn't… happened before."
I didn't think I'd ever stop grinning.Araxis's eyes narrowed, and an amused trill sounded in his throat."You can stop looking so pleased with yourself, Sashen."
"Never mind me," I said happily."Just shattering minds and changing lives, one impossible orgasm at a time."
He trilled again, and carefully pulled up his pants, tying the waist back in place.He eyed me carefully, splayed out on the floor before him, taking in the indecent way I'd spread my thighs."It strikes me as rather unfair: for every orgasm you have, I have two."
"Sometimes three," I said blithely.
He fluted out a breath."Yes, sometimes three.Would you come back to my room, and perhaps we can even the score?"
It had been a hell of a day, but I'd never been a quitter before and I didn't intend to start.And besides, I was a professional, so I let him haul me up and take me next door so that we could make use ofevery minute left to us.Vivith had reminded us rather resolutely that we needed to sleep but I figured that what Vivith didn't know – and what they definitely didn'twantto know – wouldn't hurt them.
Chapter 14 –A Waystation Awaits
Leaving was less dramatic that I'd feared it would be,although my chest was tight the whole time anyway, like my body knew it was the last time things would ever be this simple and this good.I woke up; I showered and ate; I ran my clothes through the cleaner; I kissed Araxis maybe a hundred times; I sat my bag on my bed and packed only the things I needed.
I spent a long time staring at the jacket he'd loaned me, and ended up leaving it folded on my bed with my wristband.Maybe I'd get it back one day.I hoped I would.
He found me there, looking morose over a piece of his clothing like a real fucking loser.His face was carefully blank, empty.
"The kids said it smells like you," I supplied, scuffing my boot."So I thought it would be pretty stupid to pack it."
He must have seen something in my face, because he moved to stand across from me."Wait a moment," he said, and then he lifted his hands to his crest.His quills rustled softly as his fingers ran along his scalp, gentle, and then in a sharp tug – with a short hiss of pain – he pulled a quill free."Here," he murmured, pressing it into my hand."If you tuck this into a seam, no one will know it's there."
For some reason, holding that single quill, about as long as my forearm, made my throat tight and hot, pressure prickling up behind my eyes, so I just nodded silently, rolled it into one of my shirts in my bag, and walked away as fast as my two little feet would take me.
I don't know exactly what I was thinking: Araxis was the one piloting me to the waystation off of Thenat-2, so it wasn't like I could get away from him.I just needed a little space to swallow down the lump forming in my throat.
I made it about six steps onto the second deck before Talvi materialized at my side, reaching up to grab at the hem of mysweater with their small hand."Don't go," they whined, a sharp, keening subvocalization bright under the words."You can stay with me.We could go hide, Sashen."
I hated this.I hated it.This is why I hadn't said goodbye at the den, except… was I certain anyone would really have cared?Sure, I'd prepped messages for each of them.How many replies would be waiting?Any?Khrelen missed me, at least I was sure of that, but would anyone else care?Devala might grouse about the glittery blue marker I hadn't returned.Farat Nel would promise to pray to the ancestors for me.Besel would complain that I hadn't told them my bunk would be free.Would they watch me in the Tournament?Would they make bets against me?
"I can't stay, Talvi," I said, voice hoarse."Come here."I bent down and scooped them up, shifting their little body so that they could curl up against my chest as I carried them along with me toward the stairs to the cargo bay.
This close, I could hear the distressed whine more clearly,nearly shrill.Their hand grabbed my sweater, hard.
"It's going to be okay," I said."Your Araxis and I have some work to do, but we'll take care of each other."
"And then you'll come back."Talvi's braided crest prickled against my neck, their words mumbled into my shoulder.
Would I?I didn't want to lie.These kids had been through enough, but I didn't want to scare them either."I willalwaysbe your friend, no matter what," I insisted, hiking them up before I took the stairs.My arm ached, and their legs jostled awkwardly against the sheath for my swords, the hilts jutting out over my other shoulder – but it wasn't like we had far to go.
Talvi sniffled wetly against my shoulder."Is it scary, being virra?"The words were quiet, and sounded hollow.Frightened.
I frowned, glad they couldn't see my face.Talvi squirmed a little as I carried them down the stairs, held tight against me."Why?"
"Because everyone wants to take you."Their grip tightened, the back of my collar biting into my neck as they held me, desperate."I don't want anyone to take me.I don'twantto be virra."
We reached the broad doors into the cargo bay, and I crouched, setting Talvi carefully on the ground.They whined a bit, grabbing at me, and finally slid on to their own feet.I stayed crouching, looking into their black eyes, which were glossy with tears – tears that, as I knelt down before them, spilled over their eyelids and began tracking down their little cheeks.
"I'm going to tell you something," I said carefully, reaching to wipe away a silvery tear with my thumb."And it's really important.Are you ready to listen?"
Their chin was trembling, but Talvi nodded.
"Alright.Youare in charge of who you are.You're the leader for yourself.So if you don't want to be virra, you don't have to be: you get to decide.And if you are virra, and you want to be, no one is allowed to take you.Because you get to decide who you are and where you go.And if anyone ever gives you any trouble, Talvi of Creche Thiel, you tell me and I'll –" I didn't want to saystab them and then stomp on their throat, although I thought it."I'll make them go away, forever.I can beveryscary."I waggled my eyebrows and bared my teeth, and that seemed to work because Talvi trilled, although the sound was wet and thick with tears.
