His hand dropped away from my elbow.He leaned back,andmy fingersfellaway from his jaw.I swallowed and huffed out a quick, centering breath as he paced back to his mark."And – we're filming," said Nay'li.
Araxis turned, his coat swirling around him, and he strode across the stage toward me, sinking to one knee and reaching for me as I placed my hand on his jaw, angling my body closer, staring into his eyes.He smiled, and I couldn't do anythingbutsmile back – soft.Romantic, even, as the pink galaxy swirled in the background behind us, casting us in warm light.
How wasthismy life?
They had us repeat the passby three times, before Nay'li said she'd gotten enough footage to work with."Good work, you two," she said."Araxis, you're done.Sashen, we'll get you with those blades next."
Araxis stood, offering a hand to me, which I took as I pushed off the boulder."Would you like to continue training together tomorrow?"he asked, still holding my hand.He squeezed once, and while I knew it was all for show, my heart apparentlydidn't, because it got all fluttery."You're an excellent sparring partner.I enjoyed our session this morning."
"I'd like that," I said, my fingers still resting in the curl of his hand."I promise I'll wear something more appropriate.I didn't have much of a say today."
He trilled and finally released my hand."Give my gratitude to your stylist on my behalf," he said, sly."And have some mercy for me tomorrow.If you dress like that for training, I'll be driven to distraction."
"Not scandalized to death?"I intoned.
He fluted out a breath."Hm, no.Not even close."And then Araxis allowed himself to be bustled away by his ketaari handler, who was beaming at the two of us.
"What was all that filming about?"I asked Silver Sea as I stood on set warming up a bit, stretching out my muscles and, more importantly, shaking off the silly buzzing I still felt where Araxis had held my hand.
"We are preparing for various contingencies," she said, flicking at the screen above her wrist."Ah, we'll use this one.I reworked your aside; it had potential."She sent it to the screen hovering above the camera, as if I needed to read a single line.Although –
"Seriously?"I said."I'd rather kiss someone than kill them – but I'm here to slay either way?Is the objective here to make sure no bookie in the universe believes I'll make it past the first three minutes on the sand?"
Silver Sea made an irritated sound, her nostrils flattening."When we downplay your abilities in this way, it will further engage the audience who will take pity on you,andmanybookkeeperswill believe we are deliberately obfuscating your skills in order to better your payout if you win."
That sounded plausible, I guessed, even if I still hated how I was being framed."Alright, alright," I groused, stepping to the new mark that had been placed on set for me."I can admit I'm out of my depth, and you obviously know what you're talking about.Thanks for taking care of me even when I'm being a little pissant about slippers."I chased that with one of my sunnier smiles so that she knew I meant it – and I did.
I had no fucking idea what I was doing, other than following Vivith's plan.It was nice to have someone in my corner.
Nay'li walked me through a dozen different sequences and had me look into the camera and deliver the truly awful canned line four times before calling it a wrap.I sat down to haul my slippers off as Neern Mournet, the marn competitor, stepped onto set with his handler.As I was leaving with Silver Sea, I heard him practicing his line – "I'm here to slice and dice, not play nice" – and I decided, in a rush, that I'd won the fucking lottery when I'd been assigned my ketaari handler.
Araxis and Ididmeet, as planned, the next day, drifting to thekitchenafter our particularly intense training session.He offered to make me tea and we sat at the dining table and I trickle-fed the audience little pieces of my childhood as Araxis told me about his creche-mates.Vivith had hoped that this would make us seem like fully-realized people, which would help spike our numbers.
During my interview with Sky Pebble that evening, he went through a list of other competitors and asked me to say a few words about my first impression of each of them.I aimed for banal observations and managed to keep it pretty light, until he brought up Grigor Spade."You must have an opinion on the other human," Sky Pebble said conspiratorially."His interviews are a bit painful, I'll admit.I hate talking to someone with a translation chip.Really hard to get a back-and-forth going, you know?ButyourStandard is excellent."
"I had the option of getting a chip, but I thought – Istillthink it's a bad shortcut."I drew up a little taller in the plush seat."If you just get a chip, you can't ever understand the nuance of a language.You miss everything for the sake of convenience.Different languagesframe ideas differently, so if your brain is only ever running things through your first language, you'reactuallylimiting your ability to think."
"Do you think that's a big difference between the two of you?"
I snorted."I think that's a big difference between me and Seraphim as a whole.I like learning about other ways of seeing the universe.I like learning about different cultural conceptsand belief systems.Seraphim doesn't: they figure that their way is the best way and everything else is a distraction."
"It must have been a shock," Sky Pebble said, studying me with his yellow eyes, "to go from such an insular community to a marn den.And you didn't speak any Standard when you arrived on Yellow Fin?"
I shook my head."I had to learn quickly – but leaving Seraphim was the best decision I ever made.Meeting someone like Grigor only confirms that.And it's not like my life has beeneasyin the ten years since I left, but I'm not afraid of hard work.I'd rather work hard than have a small life full of regrets."
"Are there any regrets youdohave?"
I gave myself a moment to pretend I was mulling it over, as if I didn't know exactly where I'd steer the end of this interview."You know," I said slowly, "my only regret right now is that I didn't approach Araxis when he came to the den on Yellow Fin.I wish we could have met somewhere else.Anywhere else.Who knows what might have happened?"
Later, as Silver Sea walked me back to my room, she flicked off her wristband display and watched me out of the corner of her eye."You are an interesting person, Sashen Solar," she said finally, just as we approached the door.
I shrugged."I'm just a dancer."When I settled in for the night – which involved watching media and mentally reviewing the plan for the next days in minute detail, I pointedly and deliberately didn't think about Grigor Spade or Seraphim.They didn't get to take up any of my bandwidth.I had too many other important things to juggle.
Unfortunately, my luck with avoiding Grigor ran out on the fourth day.Araxis had set to making me lunch according to our plan (this will be particularly important to abayan viewers, Vivith had said, although I wasn't sure why).I was leaning against the counter as Araxis sliced leafy green vegetables, a pot behind him shimmering with oil as small balls of fermented grain bobbed along."This dish is best with fresh dathal root, but it doesn't travel well on ships," he murmured, black eyes glinting as he looked at me.I fought in vain against the little smile that hooked my mouth: it was an oblique way to tell me he'd made this for me before.It almost felt like a private moment for the two of us, far away where the cameras couldn't touch.
"You know, no one ever cooks for me," I admitted."I eat a lot of ration blocks."
"Hm."He scooped up the vegetables and set them in a bowl where there was already some brown liquid, using a flared stick to nudge them around."Clearly you need someone to feed you more regularly.Someone should be taking care of you."
