"What?"I asked, flat.She was a few inches shorter than me and narrow.She looked like she might have been strong if she weren't clearly malnourished.
"I do not like you, virra."Her voice was husky, her accent strong – obviously, Standard wasn't her preferred language.Andiri's chin tilted up as she stared at me, and she stepped in closer."I do not see what he finds worthwhile in you."
"Well, howsadfor me," I snapped, fists clenching hard against my sides.Was this going to be another attack?Her eyes were certainly dark and predatory.
Andiri's crest hissed and rustled, bristling so that the nest of quills formed a halo around her.She snorted again, and narrowed her eyes, glaring."You are offered everything.Iwould not offer for you."She huffed then, inhaling in short, sharp bursts.Scenting me.
"Oh, fuck off," I snarled."It's rude tosmell people.Even kids know that!"And then I shot past her, slamming my shoulder against hers as I beelined to the change room.
"You saidno."She barely raised her voice, but it oozed over the back of my neck nonetheless, followed by a low, rumbling trill that chased me as I strode forcefully away.I looked over my shoulder, quick, and she was still staring at me, eyes wide and a sharp smile curving her features.
What a fucking creep.And I thought Vivith was a lot.
I got changed and scrubbed my hair long enough to stop it from dripping before heading upstairs to the training rooms again.Thankfully, Araxis was nowhere to be seen, so I set myself to my exercises.As I worked through the sequences – why I was bothering, I didn't know; I'd already said I'd yield sinceapparentlyI was a liability – I noticed at the edges of my vision that other participants were watching me.
It struck me as odd because I'd seen almost no one around when Araxis and I trained together.Just Grigor, and maybe flashes of one of the others.Now, though, they came in clusters, watching quietly before slinking off.
Had they avoided me because I was with him?
Were theyscaredof him?
Was I somehow a target now?Or did they just feel like they could indulge their curiosity now that I was on my own?It was also possible that my little interaction with Grigor had sharpened their interest, however morbid.
What a strange little creature I must have appeared to them.What a strange thing I was to myself.
I finished up early, skin prickling from too many eyes.Funny how I was always so comfortable when being observed, and yet now it felt intrusive.I didn't mind the cameras, mostly anyway; I didn't mind an audience in the den.But my supposed peers with their predatory stares and malicious intent –
Maybe they made something prickle deep in my brain too.Now that I'd had the experience of being thrown down and broken soeasily, I felt hyper-aware of how vulnerable I was.Anyone could be a threat, and what could I actually do to stop them?Araxis had been right.Of course he was.He'd clearly hoped for more in an ally.Heneededmore, and all I had was… me.
I beat my way through the remaining hours of the day, each one a struggle.I wanted to see Araxis.I wanted totalkto him.I wanted him to take back his words, which were true and unkind and so unlike him.
I ate, perfunctory.I put on an episode ofAcross the Timescape, which I entirely ignored, staring instead at the ceiling as I held my swords to my chest.My fingers traced the seam where Araxis's quill was, again and again.
I'm yours; you're mine.
Except somehow I had broken that, and I didn't understand how.How could you fix something you couldn't see the cracks in?
Tell him you're falling in love with him, Silver Sea had said, but of course I wouldn't.I couldn't, not now, and even if I were brave enough, I wouldn't do it here for the cameras.I wasn't interested in cracking open my ribs for the benefit of the viewers at home, and then watching as he turned me aside again, cold as the bleakestdepths of space.All part of the show, he would think, while I lay there offering him my raw and beating heart.
The tedium was punctuated only by an interview with Sky Pebble, who tried asking me about Araxis and about Andiri and about a dozen different things that would make for good television, all of which I ignored; instead, I monologued about Ofesa Siol's latest album (Dance All Night, Save Your Siol) and how I'd rank each of the sixteen songs in terms of how they'd work for dancing routines.As I was trudging back to my room, my wristband chimed with a reminder to get ready for the media panel.I didn't want to play the part of a dancer now, so Ishrugged on some comfortable clothes that would probably look awful on camera.As I was debating whether to wear my orange sweater, a message popped up on my wristband.Meet Araxis at his room.You should walk there together.I will see you at the front door of the village.The image of Silver Sea's stylized face flashed up, scowling, with a follow-up note.Be punctual!
I sent back a little squiggle meant to represent my face, and it nodded vigorously in response.And then I walked up to Araxis's room and tapped my knuckles against his door.
He was immaculate again, upright and composed, in layers of black and charcoal with crisp lines.He might have been an illustration from one of the old Earth books I liked to read, all stark whites and deep blacks, except for the glimmer of gold beads woven through his crest.The iridescence of his skin was gone, and I didn't have the faintest hope of seeing him blush pink.
"They want us to walk there together," I offered, my voice hoarse.
Araxis studied me for a moment, then nodded once, closing the door behind him.We walked down the hallway in silence, side-by-side, and headed to the stairwell.Iwasjittery, my mind racing to think of something to say,anything.I still didn't understand what was happening,and this sudden change left me almost dizzy.It couldn’t be good to gointo a press conferencelike this,but, more importantly, I also couldn't stand it.It was likemy skin was the wrong size to contain my ribs,likemy heart mightbatter its waythrough at anymoment,like no matter how hard I tried to pull in a deep breath, I was limited to tiny sips – never enough, almost worse than nothing at all.
Beneath it all, I think, was that I felt… alone, and like I had fallen at some essential hurdle.That I had failedAraxisand he had decided it was easiest, best,wisestto just leave me behind as I reached out after him.
I stopped mid-way down a flight of stairs, fingertips trailing against the cold polymer wall.Araxis took a few more steps, then paused, turning to look up at me.The skin around his eyes tightened in confusion.
"I –" I started, the words surging inside of my chest.There was so much I wanted to say and so little Icouldsay."I'm having a hard time with this, Araxis."It spilled out of me, like a confession, like some sort of holy sacrament, except that I didn't feel better for the speaking of my sins.Instead, I felt like I might cry, the feel of his name in my mouth familiar and forbidden.
He blinked once, slowly."Yes," he said, hands tucking behind his back.
I waited for something more, there in the chilly stairwell.Araxis, a picture of a fallen prince on his way to reclaim his family's rightful glory; I, on the other hand, looked like forlorn, washed out space trash.What had I even been thinking?
