GOOD NEWS: Oh, I don't have any questions for you, Araxis of Creche Thiel!But Sashen, aren't you afraid to put your life so entirely in the hands of someone you barely know?He doesn't seem to hold you in much regard.What was it from the video – you're aliability?If you simply withdraw from the Tournament, we can waive your debt and bring you home.Easy as pie.
SILVER SEA: If you wish to petition a participant, you must travel by the appropriate channels, Adelaithe.This is quite inappropriate.
GOOD NEWS: You know, I'm still struggling with some of these cultural norms, and –
SASHEN: You're full of shit.You're not struggling.You'recampaigning, and you're using your little backwater human trick to get away with things no one else would.
SASHEN: [addressing the cameras] Let me be perfectly clear to everyone who's watching this: Seraphim Station is xenophobic.They don't tolerate your differences, they want to obliterate them.Whatever they tell you about being fine with how you live, it's a lie: they teach all of the children that you're evil and broken – every last one of you – and that you need to be converted to their faith.And anyone who doesn't fit that mouldgetsbroken, and I'm not being melodramatic.I grew up with kids who didn't make it, who were so miserable that they killed themselves or who got sicker and sicker in the re-education camps until a fuckingcoldkilled them.There should be some sort of aid mission to get every last kid out of that place, because what Seraphim does isawful, and they don't want me to talk about it but what thefuckdo I have to lose at this point?
SASHEN: [addressing The Good News] Sofuck youAdelaithe, and fuck yourGood Newsbullshit, and I hope every Shepherd on Seraphim who sees this knows, deep in their bones, that I'd rather be beheaded than go back to that fascist hell you call home.
ARAXIS: [standing up and placing one hand on Sashen's shoulder] We are leaving.
ARAXIS: [addressing The Good News as their reporter stands to approach] No,do notcome closer.You saw what I did to the last human who tried.
ARAXIS: [quiet, leaning close to Sashen] Come, Sashen.
Chapter 22 –To Cherish, To Hold
Silver Sea met me in my room the next morning.Her gold eyes gleamed as she settled down on the low couch facing a bank of windows.
"Your numbers continue to trend upwards," she said, watching me as I paced across the carpet.I'd been watching footage from the interview over again after she'd pinged it to me in the early hours of the morning, and it wasn't the kind of thing I was able to watch while sitting down.
I hadreplayedthe interview with Araxis and the abayan news source about six times already, trying desperately to understand what had been said evenwithsubtitles.In the end, there were only two things I felt sure of: the first was that I didn't know shit about abayan culture, and telling myself that I hadunderstood Araxis at allwhen I'd been back on Creche Thiel's ship had been monumentally arrogant and foolish; and the second was that I could hardly be surprised that he didn't want me in the end.
Araxis was doing something important, and not just for his family.He spoke so clearly and coherently, and with such deep conviction, that I'd been left breathless the first time I watched.He carried the weight of not only hiscreche on his shoulders, but of the future of abayan politics at large.The fundamental questions about where the empire was headed seemed to hinge, at least in some part, on whathewas doing.The scope of his work was dazzling and unfathomable in equal parts.
I'd mostly accepted he was a prince, or whatever the equivalent was – but watching that clip over and over was the first time I reallyrealizedwhat that meant.The nobility with which he conducted himself was at such impossible odds with… everything about me.And when he'd been asked why he'd made whatever overture he had made – when he'd asked me to declare for him, said with all theweight of a cultural practice and with none of the accompanying explanation – his answer had said everything I needed to know.
It was best for me.He wanted to keep me safe.It was whatanysinnenthi would do foranyvirra.
I sat with that for a long time before Silver Sea arrived.I remembered the strange feeling that had settled over me when we'd first spoken on camera about what it meant for me to be virra, back when he'd made me food.I'd realized, in a distant haze, that what he felt for me could only be explained to the audience because I was virra.Why else would he care?And while I'd wondered if that might be true, I'd held on to the assurance that he cared for me in a way that was real and tangible.Hesawme, I was certain.
So to hear him say that he cared for me because he was sinnenthi and I was virra, to have him put it so plainly, struck me like a knife to my lung, sucking all the air out of me.In the end, that was all I had to offer – my body, pliant on camera – while the rest of me was a liability.
So I decided not to think about it.I couldn't.It was just more scraps andtattersfor the dark and cluttered corner of my soul.Instead, I'd skipped forward to when the reporter fromThe Good Newshad started in on me, and that was when Silver Sea had appeared in my apartment and made herself at home.
"Well,at least I have my metrics," I said, throwing myself down on to the couch next to Silver Sea as I examined the freeze frame I'd stopped on."I must be making you pretty rich."
In the footage, I looked about half a second away from breaking that stupid woman's face.Flushed, my eyes bright green, the lines in my body tense.And next to me, Araxis had been perfectly still, like a bird of prey hanging in the air before a deadly strike.
But I didn't want to think about him, so I chose not to.Instead, I advanced the frame and scowled at the frozen image of Adelaithe's face, paused mid-smile.Her bullshit sweetness, her pouty lips and pinched brows, like she actually gave a shit about me, my feelings, or my experiences.
"What was she trying to do?"I asked, baffled, flashing up the transcript of her 'questions' again.It had bothered me all night: she hadn'taskedquestions, she'd led me along a merry fucking path and gotten all the airtime she wanted to chat about Seraphim and how mistaken I was.
"The outlet has filed another official request for a meeting with you.I've put them off."Silver Sea plucked away at her wristband."Do you wish to speak with them?"
"Absolutely not."
"I suspected as much.If anything changes, I will let you know.This has not been beneficial forGrace Mining Initiative: their shares have gone down, and they have lost out on several contracts for asteroids in voltaar territory.More fallout may come."
I snorted."Yeah, I guess if anyone would get mad about religious imperialism, it would be voltaari."I scrubbed at my forehead and tapped the clip shut."What's next then?And before you say anything, Ihavelooked at my schedule, so I know it's the same as every day.But, you know, I meanwhat's next."I gave her a meaningful look.
Silver Sea blinked several times, and then tapped something on her wristband.A moment later, the room gained a hushed quality, like we'd just slipped underwater.The cameras had gone off."I have had another request for a meeting."
"More good news, I'm sure.Let me guess," I said."Someone I once gave a lap dance to has decided to sue me for emotional damages."
She barked out a laugh."I will keep you apprised of any changes to your legal status, Sashen Solar.I have been speaking with another ketaari who is Araxisof Creche Thiel's handler.He has asked her if you might meet later today – without cameras."
