“Hello?”
My shoulders sagged in relief, knowing he’d answered, even if it seemed to be reluctantly. But a new fear overtook me as I choked out a single word that had haunted my dreams. “Daddy…”
The pause on the other end was worse than any nightmare that had plagued me in the last fifteen years. For a horrifying moment, I wondered if he was going to hang up without talking to me. Or worse, maybe he alreadyhadhung up and I had just been too slow to realize he was no longer on the line.
“Little bird.”
Those two words, whispered like a tentative prayer through the phone, had my knees going weak. I clung to the dresser. In hindsight, I probably should have sat down before I tried calling Nate. Because I knew whether he was ready to forgive me or not, it wouldn’t be an easy conversation.
“I, um, I was hoping we could… talk.”
God, why was I so nervous? I was sure that if nothing else, Nate would give me the opportunity to say what I wanted to say. He would listen and he would be willing to talk. Even if he wasn’t willing to take me back.
The thought was like a stab in the heart. I didn’t want to be without Nate. Without my Daddy. In such a short time he had somehow become my everything and it terrified me. Perhaps it should have been a sign that I should have walked away then, but I was weak. I wouldn’t walk away unless my Daddy told me I had to forget about him.
Please don’t say we are over for good, Daddy.
“Of course.” He sounded too reserved, too cautious for my liking. I wanted my warm, teasing Daddy, the one who seemed to always know what I needed to feel better. Who was always willing to give me what I needed.
I rubbed my sternum, trying to ease the tightness that squeezed around my heart.
“Do you want to come over? Or…?” I didn’t know what other option would be theor, but I figured I should give him an out from having to see me, if he didn’t want to. It was something we could do over the phone if he was going to let me down easy. Or even somewhere that was neutral ground, I supposed, if he didn’t want to be somewhere with a bed where we could just be tempted to fuck and pretend our problems didn’t exist.
He didn’t say anything for a moment and I gave him the time he needed to consider my question without pressuring him. Even though I wanted to scream at him to saysomething, or more accurately, to say that he needed me just as much as I needed him and that he’d been dying without me and he’d be right over.
“I am just in the middle of wrapping something up. But I could maybe meet you for dinner, if you are free.”
A little bit of the wind left my sails at the way he hadn’t seemed to be in a rush to fix things or talk, but I decided to lookat the positive. At least he wanted to see me and talk and he didn’t just brush me off. He would have been well within his rights to tell me to get fucked after I ghosted him.
“Sure. That sounds great.” I tried to force a smile, even though he couldn’t see me. Anything to hide the disappointment in my voice. “Just text me like an hour or so before you’re planning to pick me up so that I can be ready, okay?”
Unfortunately, I didn’t think I’d need to be as prepared for this date—is it even a date?—as our other dates, so I probably wouldn’t even need the hour. But better safe than sorry.
“Will do.” He paused for a moment, muttering something I didn’t catch under his breath. “I need to go now. But I will text you when I am able to, so you can start getting ready.”
I had barely been able to get out an, “Okay,” when he’d hung up.
My shoulders slumped as I made my way to the bed with shaky legs that I wasn’t convinced would be able to carry me the few feet. I wasn’t sure if that conversation could be counted as a win or not. On one hand, he’d answered and agreed to talk to me, but he’d also been distracted and short with me. Not that I felt I deserved his undivided attention after the shit I must have put him through.
When everything had gone down, I’d only thought about how it had mademefeel. I hadn’t taken into consideration how Nate must have felt, meeting my parents for the first time, and having that secret exposed. Then, on top of it, I bolted and left him to deal withmyparents.
I’d been such an asshole.
Plus, it wasn’t as though he hadn’t tried to reach out to me. I was the one who ignored his calls and texts until he finally told me that he was giving me the space I needed but that he would be there when I decided I was ready.
Except, I hadn’t gotten that impression from the phone call we’d just had.
What if I’d waited too long? Maybe he’d found someone else?
Oh God, what if he did find someone else? Maybe someone who wasn’t embarrassed by their relationship and didn’t bolt at the first public mention of him being their Daddy.
But I wasn’t embarrassed about him being my Daddy, was I?
I glanced back down at my phone, shuffling it back and forth between my sweating palms. My brows furrowed as I considered the question that had been plaguing my mind since the drive home that seemed to take hours from my parents’ house.
Turning around, I crawled up the bed and curled into a tight ball of misery. There was nothing I could do to change the past and I wasn’t sure I deserved to have a future with Nate. No matter how much I needed him, craved him.
A few tears slipped down my cheeks and I wiped them away, angry that I let a man reduce me to something so weak.
