Maybe he didn’t need to try, but honestly, Gene felt like they were sliding and heading toward a cliff. He just didn’t know how to change course.
He didn’t answer him.
Instead, he said one thing.
“You’re worried,” Ethan said.
Gene nodded.
“For the first time in our relationship, I’m scared that I’m going to lose you, and not because I fucked it up. I know you saidyou’re working and okay, but this feels off,” he said, motioning between them. “I feel like our vibe is not syncing, and I’ve never felt that before.”
Ethan put his fork down.
It was clear that Gene was struggling with this, and Ethan understood that.
“You aren’t losing me, Gene. I’m just trying to get my bearings while I’m here. We're good. There is nothing wrong with our relationship. I’m just…confused.”
Gene knew he needed to help him, or this was going to make him insane. He was the‘him’in that scenario. Trying to get into Ethan’s head to ensure he was good was not working. The not knowing was killing him.
“About?”
“Me.”
Well, that didn’t sound good. In fact, now, Gene was even more worried. Ethan could be unpredictable and not always in a good way.
Gene waited, signaling he needed more, and thankfully, his partner got that.
“This has made me question everything in my life,” Ethan admitted.
Oh, holy shit.
As someoneINhis life, that was not what he wanted to hear from him.
Not.
Even.
Close.
Immediately, Gene stopped chewing and pushed his plate away. Suddenly, food didn’t sound appealing. In fact, the bacon was rolling in his belly as he felt like he was going to puke.
“Okay, hit me with it,” he said, exhaustedly as he suited up for another round.
Only, this time, Ethan didn’t.
“That’s my point. I feel like you always have to fix me. I’m just trying to fix myself and not make my partner feel like I’m a storm he has to wade into. I can hear how tired I make you, Gene. I don’t want to be a burden on us. I don’t want you to wake up one morning and be like…I’m out. I know you work harder to be with me than I do to be with you.”
Well, double shit.
That was coming back to bite him in the ass. If he knew then what he knew now, he would have said all of that differently.
“I hurt you when I said that I had to navigate things a lot, huh?” Gene asked.
The silence was telling.
“Well, I can tell because you’ve mentioned this twice now. That’s not what I meant. I don’t hate working for us,” he admitted. “I love it. I find great joy in trying to find ways to make you smile when you’re upset, or do extra special things to make you happy. That’s how I should have said it—not the way it came out. That made it sound like it was painful work. It’s not.”
Ethan stared into his eyes.
