What he did notice was that six hours ago, Gene stopped trying to reach him, and in his heart, he knew why.
He was done with him.
Instead of listening to the voicemails, so he could be broken further, or reading the hundred and seventy-four texts, he turned his phone back off to escape that, too.
That was later-Ethan’s problem. There was no way he could deal with this now.
He was a man on the edge.
AGAIN.
Deep down, he knew Gene would hate him for running. He knew that this had to have hurt the man in countless ways.
Only, that couldn’t help it.
He was a coward.
That was the bottom line.
He was so broken inside that when that panic overtook him, he’d always tuck tail and run. He’d always be weak and crumble.
It was just who he was after years of being decimated.
For Ethan, deep in his heart, he knew that there was also no way Gene would forgive him for bailing on him or fight for him because he simply wasn’t worthy.
He knew that to be fact.
Ethan Blackhawk was a soul no one had ever fought for, other than his mother. She had been theONLYperson who loved him enough.
The demons were screaming that over and over again as his soul was stripped bare.
Oh, shit.
He was having a panic attack.
His chest was tight, and he felt lightheaded.
As the anxiety rose up, Ethan had to move to keep it at bay. If he didn’t find a way to push it down, beating it back, he was three days past screwed.
For him, now, it would be about just surviving. What he wanted to do was curl up against someone and be held. What he needed was to be told it would be okay.
Ethan Blackhawk was adrift in a sea of darkness without his life preserver.
What hurt his soul was that no one would ever know he needed to be saved.
Why?
Well, because he was the‘aloof’one who was as cold as ice, when in actuality, he was the most fragile.
Oh, but he wore that façade well.
Building that wall years ago had been his downfall. It meant that no one saw him flailing.
Well, Gene had, but that was over now. When he ran, leaving him behind and to hold that bag, partnerless, it was safe to say that the man would hate him too.
Just not as much as Ethan hated himself.
Getting up from the couch, he walked around the small but nice cabin to push back the anxiety attack that was on the cusp of erupting.
