Ethan tried to focus on anything else.
So, he focused on his brother’s home.
In a way, Ethan was proud of his brother. Callen had built this place on his own, and he’d given himself a home to call his own.
Ethan had done that, too, and the FBI had forced him out of his brownstone and toPhilly.
God.
Why didn’t he go to his home when he’d freaked the fuck out? Why hadn’t he gone to that bastion of calm, and hid there?
Maybe Gene wouldn’t be angry with him had he made that choice.
Standing there alone, looking out the window, he saw the snow that was gently beginning to fall in light, fluffy flurries. It was March, and this would likely be the last of the snow in Utah unless you went to the mountains.
Soon, the rez would go green with life, disguising the mire that hid beneath the beauty.
He was exactly like that.
A pretty face, mired in rot.
Being here would have been nice if he wasn’t a product of this nightmare—hollow and decaying from the inside out. The rez was a nice place to visit, but being locked there was pure Hell for him.
Alcoholism.
Poverty.
Destitution.
They were the trifecta that was about to define his life.
A part of him wanted to call Gene, begging him to save him, but the other part of him couldn’t bear it if he said no. Then, he would have no reason to keep going.
Not knowing was all that saved him.
Without Gene, there was no one to hold back that rot before he was a zombie, just aimlessly wandering.
LOST.
“What do I do?” he asked himself, as if he could answer that question himself when clearly, he couldn’t.
He didn’t have a freaking clue, and that was the problem.
If he had any ability to figure this out, he’d know how to get his ass out of this predicament, and he wouldn’t be hiding at his brother’s cabin.
He would have handled this differently.
Instead, he would have punched Gabe in the face for daring to steal what he’d worked so goddamn hard for his whole life.
Blackhawk would have beaten his ass for trying to make him ashamed of his relationship with Gene.
He would have risen up.
Not sat down.
But that wasn’t who he was.
Clearly.
