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'Her!' exclaimed Ibb, drawing out a much-thumbed Outland copy of Silverscreen from beneath the table. On the cover was none other than Lola Vavoom, being interviewed for the umpteenth time about her husbands, her denial of any cosmetic surgery and her latest film – usually in that order.
'Gran!' I said sternly. 'Did you give Ibb that magazine?'
'Well—!'
'You know how impressionable Generics can be! Why didn't you give it a magazine with Jenny Gudgeon in it? She plays proper women– and can act, to
o.'
'Have you seen Ms Vavoom in My Sister Kept Geese!?' replied Gran indignantly. 'I think you'd be surprised – she shows considerable range.'
I thought about Cordelia Flakk and her producer friend Harry Flex wanting Lola to play me in a film. The idea was too awful to contemplate.
'You were going to tell us about subtext,' said Obb, helping itself to more salad.
'Oh, yes,' I replied, a distraction from Vavoom a welcome break. 'Subtext is the implied action behind the written word. Text tells the reader what the characters say and do but subtext tells us what they mean and feel. The wonderful thing about subtext is that it is common grammar, written in human experience – you can't understand it without a good working knowledge of people and how they interact. Got it?'
Ibb and Obb looked at one another.
'No.'
'Okay, let me give you a simple example. At a party, a man gives a woman a drink and she takes it without answering. What's going on?'
'She isn't very polite?' suggested Ibb.
'Perhaps,' I replied, 'but I was really looking for some sort of clue as to their relationship.'
Obb scratched its head and said: 'She can't speak because – er – she lost her tongue in an industrial accident owing to his negligence?'
'You're trying too hard. For what reason would someone not necessarily say "thank you" for something?'
'Because,' said Ibb slowly, 'they know one another?'
'Good. Being handed a drink at a party by your wife, husband, girlfriend or partner, you would as likely as not just take it; if it was from a host to a guest, then you would thank them. Here's another: there is a couple walking down the road – and she is walking eight paces behind him.'
'He has longer legs?' suggested Ibb.
'No.'
'They've broken down?'
'They've had an argument,' said Obb excitedly, 'and they live near by or they would be taking their car.'
'Could be,' I responded. 'Subtext tells you lots of things. Ibb, did you take the last piece of chocolate from the fridge?'
There was a pause.
'No.'
'Well, because you paused I know pretty confidently that you did.'
'Oh!' said Ibb. 'I'll remember that.'
There was a knock at the door.
I opened it to reveal Mary's ex-beau Arnold looking very dapper in a suit and holding a small bunch of flowers. Before he had time to open his mouth I had closed the door again.
'Ah!' I said, turning to Ibb and Obb. 'This is a good opportunity to study subtext. See if you can figure out what is going on behind our words – and Ibb, please don't feed Pickwick at the table.'
