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Lorem Ipsum usage suggested by Swaim & Rogan.
For the purposes of this narrative, it should be noted that Zeffirelli's excellent version of Hamlet starring Mel Gibson and Glenn Close was made in 1987, not 1991 as previously thought.
My grateful thanks to John Sutherland and Cedric Watts for their 'Puzzles in Literature' series, which continues to amuse and delight, and to Nome Epstein for her excellent Friendly Shakespeare, which is every bit as the title suggests. Also to the Reduced Shakespeare Company for much-needed Bard-related tomfoolery in times of stress.
Pulp Western research by Gillian Taylor, author of Darrow's Word and many others. Interweb: http://www.gillian-f-taylor.co.uk.
My grateful thanks to Landen Parke-Laine for agreeing to undertake a guest first-person appearance at short notice.
No penguins were killed or pianos destroyed in order to write this book.
The pengu
in meal on page 147 and the piano incident on page 314 were merely fictional narrative devices and have no basis in fact.
My apologies to Danish people everywhere for the fictional slur undertaken in the pages of this book. I would like to point out that this was for satirical purposes only, and I like Denmark a lot, especially rollmops, bacon, Lego, Bang & Olufsen, the Faeroes, Karen Blixen — and, of course, Hamlet, the greatest Dane of all.
Mandatory toast information, as required by current toast legislation: Bread was originated in a Panasonic SD2O6 bread-maker, sliced with an Ikea bread knife on a home-made bread board and toasted in a Dualit model 3CBGB. Spread was Utterly Butterly and Seville marmalade was home made.
The appearances of Zhark in this book and the use of his name and exploits were monitored and approved by Zhark Enterprises, Inc., and we gratefully acknowledge the emperor's help and assistance in the making of this novel.
This book was constructed wholly within the Socialist Republic of Wales.
A Fforde/Hodder/Penguin production.
1. 'Oh, how I wish my worthless body would melt into a liquid and then evaporate.'
2. 'Or that God had not decreed suicide a complete no-no.'
3. 'Oh God, oh God! How tired, stale and boring life seems to me.'
4. 'Oh, damn and double blast! I feel like a garden that's left to seed and overtaken by all those really annoying weeds, like Japanese knotweed or nettles, both of which can be destroyed by using a recommended herbicide, available from Jekyll Garden Centres.
Footnoterphone simultaneous translation sponsored by Jekyll Garden Centres.
