“I could try to work on Kitty for you,” Xavier says as if to sweeten the deal. “See if I can convince this camp to join your cause…”
Nobody can talk Kitty into anything she doesn’t want to do, I suspect. But Xavier’s offer does give Gray some leverage with the Authority if they decide to chew him out for this decision.
“Fine,” he finally agrees. “I’ll deal with the others. But if I find out you went back to the Command, I’ll kill you myself.”
We spend the rest of the day getting to know the ins and outs of the Hollow. We still have several hours before we need to leave for the airfield just outside Ward E, because Kitty won’t authorize a landing anywhere near her camp.
For dinner, we join the Faithful in their rustic dining hall, which is buzzing with voices, the air thick with the smell of grilled meat and freshly baked bread. Too energetic to sit still, several children run back and forth, skittering between the long wooden tables while their mothers chide them, asking them to stop. And although the overhead lights flicker occasionally, it doesn’t take away from the warm, welcoming vibe that the Hollow offers.
When it’s time to go, I’m reluctant to say goodbye to the Hollow. Xavier, Kitty, and Jasper escort us to the transport gate, where a bullet bike awaits. As Jasper slips a thin, silver comm into Gray’s hand, Xavier tugs me from the group.
“I need to talk to Darlington,” he tells the others.
He drags me away until we’re well out of earshot. His features, usually twisted into a mocking expression, are soft. Regretful, almost.
“You could stay here, too,” he says, sounding hopeful.
“Why, so I could watch you live a life of debauchery and sleep with everyone in camp? I’ll pass on the offer, but thank you.”
“Hey, I’d put on a good show.”
I let out a long, dramatic breath. “Okay, look. I’m only going to say this once, and I don’t ever want to be reminded of this moment, but…I’m going to miss you.”
He surprises me by wrapping me in a tight hug.
I pull back to say, “Just be careful here, keen? Don’t cause any trouble. And don’t get eaten by a horned bear or anything.”
A smirk tugs on his mouth, the way it always does when he’s about to make a sarcastic remark. Which, in Xavier’s case, is always.
“Don’t worry, I’m adaptable. I can survive in the wilderness.Especiallythiswilderness, where I’m getting seraphis-induced hard-ons and being serviced by beautiful people.”
“I don’t think I needed that much information.”
“Sure you did. How else will you live vicariously through me?”
I press my lips together to stop a sudden burst of emotion. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
“Hellfuck, Darlington, did your voice just crack? Have some respect for yourself.”
“Sorry. You’re right. Wouldn’t want to ruin the moment with actual feelings.”
He flashes a grin. “I know it’ll be rough without me, but you’ll be able to mostly manage.”
“ ‘Mostly manage’?” I echo with a snort.
“Well, I can’t promise you won’t cry yourself to sleep the first few nights.”
“Obviously.”
At that, he gives me a lazy salute. “Go and fight your little war, sweetling. I’ll be down here, fighting bears and getting laid.” He dips his head and brings his mouth to my ear. “I’ll miss you, too.”
Chapter 38
It’s nearly twoa.m.when I slide into my bed at the Dagger, when the chaos of the past twenty-four hours finally settles and I’m able to breathe again. Seeing the empty bed across from mine is more depressing than I expect. Somehow, Xavier Ford crawled under my skin and made me adore him, sex addiction and all.
I roll onto my side, tucking my hand under my cheek as I try to foist slumber upon myself. But my mind is too noisy, my heart still flipping at the memory of Gray’s lips so close to mine.
“I know what this looks like. But I’m not here for that.”
