They all look at me without speaking. I fidget in my seat, feeling as if they are seeing straight through me.
“Why don’t you tell us what this is really about?” Jada folds her arms across her chest.
“I just told you.” I toss my arms in the air.
Destiny reaches one of her henna-inspired tattooed covered hands out to me and places it on my knee. “No. You’re making excuses because in reality, you’re afraid,” she says in that way that shows just how in tune she is with everyone. “You’re afraid of putting yourself out there again and getting hurt. Trust me, Ella, we all were.”
My throat burns as I fight back tears. “It’s too soon.”
“It’s been a year and a half.” Jada rolls her eyes.
“Only six months since the divorce was final.” Even I can hear how lame that argument is.
Jada takes a seat on the coffee table in front of me. Her long legs have her knees touching mine.
“And in that six months, Andrew has not only dated, but gotten engaged. Look, I know what you’re waiting for.” I blink rapidly, trying to keep the tears back. “He will not change hismind, Ella. And he isn’t going to randomly figure out how wonderful of a woman you were. Because I don’t care how perfect of wife you were, your perfection will never be validated by a man that doesn’t deserve you.”
As always, Jada’s words are blunt but honest. I’ve been sitting around all this time waiting for Andrew to realize my worth and that I was good enough. But that won’t happen because maybe, though I loved him, he wasn’t meant to be my forever.
We read about forever relationships in books all the time. Women finding the man who is perfect for them, their other half. A love that is all-consuming and leaps off the pages to make you clutch your chest and shed a tear when things go wrong.
For the longest time, I’d read those books thinking love like that was a fairytale. As real as the poisoned apple that nearly killed Snow White or the spinning wheel that took out Sleeping Beauty. But what if it’s true? What if my forever is out there waiting for me, and I’ve spent years trying to make a man who was never mine love me?
Blowing out a deep breath, I say. “I guess it’s time I get back out there. Even AJ suggested it.”
They all laugh.
“Nephew is looking out for his mama,” Pam chuckles.
My laughter dies down. I swipe the rest of my tears from my cheeks. “I have to be honest, I’m still scared shitless about the idea of dating again.”
“Girl, we all were. And we all had to do it,” Meagan says.
“My first date after Amir was a huge disaster.” Pamela shakes her head before sipping her wine. “Every woman who walked past us, I felt like he was checking her out. I even blamed him for it. The poor guy didn’t stand a chance. He couldn’t drop me off fast enough.”
We all chuckle at her story. The only thing I know about her divorce from Amir was that he cheated on Pamela with her best friend.
“My first date after Jace was hard.” Destiny’s voice softens, and her eyes take on a sorrowful look.
“Wait, you’ve been on a date?” I ask, completely stunned by this revelation.
Although unfortunately I was still in love with my ex, there was no mistaking that Destiny was head over heels still in love with hers. If it had not been for his accident, they would still be happily married.
She nods her head. “I tried to move on. That’s what Jace wants, but I spent the entire date in tears. The guy went to the bathroom and never came back.”
Meagan snorts. “I had one of those, too. He left after I told him I had twin boys at home.”
“Okay, now y’all are scaring me for real.”
“Don’t get scared.” Pam pats my leg. “We’re just trying to let you know that we’ve all been through it. But we kept going because we deserve our happily ever after.”
“Damn right we do.” Kyra says. We laugh at her enthusiasm.
Once the laughter dies, I let out a deep sigh. “It’s been so long. How do I even find a date?”
“You’ll go out,” Pamela says beside me.
I scoff at the idea. Going out to clubs and bars looking for a man did not sound appealing to me. I think I’m too much of a homebody for that.
