I look down at myself - wearing Alfie’s shirt that I definitely shouldn’t have kept, hair in a messy bun that’s more mess than bun, probably with mascara smudged under my eyes from crying through the Luke and Lorelai breakup scene.
“This isn’t... I mean, I was just...”
“Having a moment?” She drops her bag and crawls into my blanket fort, somehow making even that look graceful. “Want to tell me what’s going on? Because your texts have been weird lately, and then Freddie mentioned something about you and Alfie?—”
“There is no me and Alfie. Not anymore.”
“Okay.” She settles in beside me, stealing some of my ramen. “Start from the beginning.”
So I do. I tell her everything - the fake dating, the family dinners, the way he’d look at me when he thought no one was watching. The kiss that started it all, and the ones that followed. I leave out the part where he made me orgasm so hard I nearly passed out.
“Wait. Tara. I know you,” Alex narrows her eyes. “You slept with him didn’t you?!”
I groan and bury my face in a pillow. “Maybe.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“Tara Hawkins, do not hold out on me. I flew across the country for this conversation.”
“It was...” I search for words that won’t make me sound completely pathetic. “Kind of amazing? Like, mind-blowing, earth-shattering, possibly ruined-for-all-other-men amazing.”
“Details. Now.”
“Alex!”
“What? I’ve been stuck in California listening to old men talk about climate policy. Let me live vicariously through your hot scientist hookup.”
I throw a pillow at her, but I’m laughing for the first time in days. “Fine. It was... intense. Like he knew exactly how to touch me, how to make me feel...” I trail off, remembering his hands, his mouth, the way he’d look at me like I was something precious.
“And now?”
“Now nothing.” I stab at my ramen. “He made it pretty clear we’re done pretending.”
“But you weren’t pretending, were you?”
“Doesn’t matter. He’s got his research and his CalTech dreams, and I’ve got...” I gesture at my sad noodle collection.
“Gilmore Girls and conversations with weirdos?”
“Don’t judge me.”
“I would never.” She steals my phone, scrolling through my matches. “Though we need to talk about your standards. This guy’s bio just says ‘Here for a good time.’”
“I wasn’t going to actually meet any of them,” I admit. “It just felt... I don’t know. Like I should be moving on?”
“From the guy you’re clearly in love with?”
“I’m not?—”
“Tara.” She gives me that look that means she’s about to deliver some hard truths. “You’re wearing his shirt, eating sad noodles, and watching the episode where Luke and Lorelai break up. You’re not fooling anyone.”
“He’s the one who ended it!”
“Because he’s an idiot who probably thinks he’s protecting you or some other noble bullshit.” She pauses. “Is he coming to your birthday thing?”
“Probably not.” I try to sound like I don’t care. “We’re not exactly talking.”
