“Because you’re both stubborn idiots who clearly make each other happy but are too scared to admit it?”
“Because he didn’t trust me! With James, with his family, with any of it.” The words burst out before I can stop them. “He just decided what was best for me without even asking what I wanted.”
“And what do you want?”
I stare at the TV, where Lorelai is making the same mistakes I am - pushing away someone she loves because she’s scared and hurt and too proud to admit what she really wants.
“I want him to have trusted me,” I say finally. “To have talked to me instead of shutting down. To have...” I swallow hard. “To have fought for me, I guess.”
“Maybe he still will.” Alex squeezes my hand. “But you might have to fight for him too.”
I think about Alfie in his lab, probably buried in research, building walls I don’t know how to break through. “Maybe it’s better this way. Cleaner.”
“Since when do you like things clean?” She gestures atmy apartment. “Youthrivein chaos. It’s one of your best qualities.”
Despite everything, I laugh. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“I am on your side. Which is why I’m telling you that you’re both being idiots.” She rolls her eyes. “Now, are we going to wallow properly or what? Because I brought wine and face masks, and you clearly need both.”
I lean my head on her shoulder, inexplicably close to tears. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” She pulls me closer. “Even when you’re being stupid about boys.”
29
ALFIE
Moe’s glows with its usual neon warmth, but nothing about tonight feels usual. I stand in the doorway, watching Tara through the window. She’s wearing this pink dress that catches the light like she’s made of stardust, her hair falling in waves down her back. My fingers itch to draw her, to capture the way she throws her head back laughing at something Alex said.
“You going in, or just doing yourthingout here?” Freddie appears beside me, eyebrows raised.
I adjust my jacket. “Just... getting some air.”
“Right. Getting air. At the entrance. While staring at Tara.”
“Fuck off.”
Freddie chuckles and pats my shoulder leading us in.
Inside, the group’s claimed their usual corner booth. Tara’s gaze finds mine the moment I approach, then quickly darts away. My head roars.
I slide into the only empty seat - directly across from Tara. She stiffens slightly, reaching for her drink.
“Look who finally showed up!” Ethan raises his beer.
Troy claps me on the shoulder, but something feels off about his usual greeting. “Grab a seat, man. We were just talking about next year. Our final year, man.”
“Boo, it’s not my final year. Tara and I have 2 years left.”
“Yeah, yeah of course. It’s all the important people’s final year.” Ethan waves a hand. “Plus, it’s emotional. This is our last summer birthday at Moe’s.”
Alex rolls her eyes. “We’ve neverhada summer birthday at Moe’s before.”
The whole time my eyes are on Tara, begging her to look at me.
“We were just hearing about your community service hours,” Ethan says, grinning. “Tara was explaining your vision for the mural, you know, to cover up the huge cock that was there before.”
Alex scrunches her nose. “Must you be so crude?”
