Ella’s eyes squeezed shut, while the comprehension finally blared with sickening, staggering force. The orcs had gotten their way, in this, after all.Natthad gotten his way.
Because Ella didn’twantto marry Alfred anymore. And more importantly, once she told Alfred she’d come here of her own volition — one she insisted, again and again, to everyone who asked, that she hadn’t been kidnapped after all — Alfred certainly wouldn’t wanther. Alfred would never touch her again, let alone publiclymarryher, after she’d spent all this time in Orc Mountain, making love to an orc. Allowing an orc to take her maidenhead, to pierce hernipple, even — her shaky hand came up to her neck, felt at where Natt’s teeth had gently scraped again and again — tomarkher.
No. No man of standing would dare to touch Ella ever again, after this. Not even to gain a fortune.
And had Ellaknownthat, all this time? HadNattknown that?
There was a sudden flare of movement, flashing before Ella’s blinking eyes — and oh dear gods, Natt was here. Here, filling her eyes and her breath, kneeling on the floor before her, his hands fumbling to grasp at hers, holding her shaky fingers tight and still.
“Please, lass,” his low voice choked. “Please. I beg you this. I know I do not deserve this, but please” — his shoulders heaved, his eyes snapping, holding onto hers — “please, grant me this one more gift. Please do not betray us to these men. Do not say I have kidnapped you, or forced you. Say again and again that you came here of your own will. Do all that you can to save my brothers from more war, and more death.”
And looking at him like this, begging her like this, her oldest friend with such earnest pleading miserable eyes — it was only more pain, more breaking. He’d built a — mating-bond, Grimarr had called it. He was begging for her mercy, like Jule had said. He was again seeking to use her, to bend her to serve his whims. He’d wreaked these wrongs. He could never be trusted. He was a stranger.
And here in the gaping miserable emptiness, there was only — truth. Only Ella’s own soul, cut open, laid bare, true.
So she held herself still, looked at the stranger’s familiar beloved eyes, drew a breath. “I did come here of my own will,” she whispered. “And I will speak this truth, as many times as I’m asked.”
Natt was fervently nodding, his eyes very bright, and there was a sudden, unnerving trickle of blood, from where his sharp tooth was biting his lip. “And you shall go,” he whispered. “Even when this foul man no longer wishes for you. Even when you lose your home and your hoard, and all you have longed for.”
It was a promise, a cruel merciless pledge, but it was truth, and maybe it was all that was left, in the waste Ella had made of her life. She was a fool. He was a stranger. She should never have trusted him. She was alone, with her truth.
“Yes, Nattfarr of Clan Grisk,” she said, quiet, wretched, empty. “I will.”
31
Ella walked back to the Grisk wing in silent, echoing darkness.
Dammarr again led her there — he’d clearly been waiting outside the room, and had again grasped her wrist as soon as he’d seen her, and began towing her down the black corridor. And in the mess currently clogging Ella’s thoughts, there was the dull, sickening realization that he’d known all along. Maybe they all had.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, pathetically, once Dammarr had drawn her into what felt like Natt’s rooms, thankfully well away from the noise of the ongoing Revel down the corridor. “You really disliked me that much? Enough to stand back and watch me ruin my wholelife, and still” — she had to gulp for breath — “taunt me, and belittle me, as you have?”
Dammarr had snapped his claws over a candle, finally flaring light through the constant blackness, and when Ella blinked around, she was in Natt’s bedroom, with those lovely carvings of his ancestors all over the walls. But she couldn’t bear to look at them, suddenly, and instead she sank her trembly body down to the floor by the bed, and stared blankly at the cool flat stone beneath her.
“I — misjudged you,” came Dammarr’s voice above Ella, making her twitch. “I thought this was all a game to you. A whim of a silly, bored, rich woman. I did not know you held such loyalty to my brother.”
Ella heard herself sniff, and she wiped at her eyes with her forearm. Truth. She could speak truth, even to this orc. “IlovedNatt,” she whispered. “I missed him so much, all those years he was gone. He’s so wise, and generous, and free, and —alive. He makes the world around him so bright. He’s —“
She couldn’t seem to finish, the sobs bubbling dangerously in her throat, and she could hear Dammarr’s sigh above her. “Ach,” he said slowly. “He is a good orc. He is among the best of us. He does not deserve such cruelty from our Captain.”
Ella still couldn’t speak, and Dammarr sighed again, his clawed foot kicking at the floor before her. “I know it is of no help now,” he said, “but I fought him in this from the start. I knew it should break him, to rebuild this bond with you, and then betray you thus. He was not raised to harm and lie and cheat. He was raised to laugh and love, and lead us with truth and kindness.”
Ella was nodding, even as she was still sniffing, wiping again at her eyes. “Well,” she croaked, “I hope he might find that again, after this. With whoever he decides to — someone who’s good enough to —“
And why was she even thinking these things, why was she saying them to this orc, of all orcs, and she dug her palms into her eyes, so deep it hurt. “With you, maybe,” she gritted out. “He truly cares, for you.”
There was an instant’s pained silence, a shift of Dammarr’s body above her. “He cares for you also,” he said, very quiet. “You ought to have seen his rage when he heard you were betrothed to this man. He did not speak for three days.”
But that almost made it worse, somehow, the thought that maybe Natthadreally cared — dear gods, he’d said he loved her, hadn’t he? — and had still done this. That he’d take someone he loved, and gain their love in return, and then turn around and purposely, systematically destroy all they had.
“But heseducedme,” Ella said, and though she knew it was pitiable, she couldn’t seem to stop. “He would have gotten me withchild, for this horrible test. And if I had even survived the birth, what would have happened then? Would he have taken the child from me? Or would he have abandoned me altogether, and disowned my son, because” — she gave a frantic wave at the wall all around — “we would never berealGrisk? Not good enough for him?”
The words were choking out of her, in a humiliating series of rising lurching sobs, but there was no reply from above her. Only a slight shuffle of feet, an odd telltale scent — and when Ella’s tear-streaked face snapped up, it was to the bitter, unsurprising sight of — him. Natt. Standing there entirely bared to the room, stripped clean of his furs and his gold. Not the Speaker of the Grisk. Just — him.
“Ach, my lass,” he said, his voice a hoarse, broken whisper. “Had I ever been blessed enough to bear a son upon you, I should never have left your side. I should have taken you both, and run, and run, andrun.”
There was a sound like a laugh, ripping out Ella’s throat, because of course he would say that now, now that it would never happen. He would lie. He was a stranger. He couldn’t be trusted. He valued his brothers, hispromotion, over her.
“And youweregood enough, lass,” he continued, almost fierce this time. “Youare. Before I did this, I told myself again and again that you would have changed, you would be an enemy to me, you had chosen to wed this man — but then I found my sweet, laughing, trusting lass still there, just the same, only hiding hurt and afraid beneath. And you came out for me, because I told you this was safe, I pledged this to you. And then I —“
