Desmond couldn’t stop himself from smiling. The sight gave Javier hope.
He reached out and rested a hand on Desmond’s thigh. “I wanted to do something, but I didn’t know what to do.” Another stilted silence passed before he added, “I just want to help, baby, but I don’t know how. Can you talk to me?”
“I don’t know what to say.” Desmond shrugged. “I’m a complete and utter failure on every level imaginable, and I don’t know why you want to give me the time of day, let alone join me in this glamorous setting.” He looked up at the castle ceiling and gestured around at the netting.
Javier smiled, more in love with the ridiculous, damaged man than ever, not less. “Well, if you’re a failure, then I’m one, too.”
Desmond met his eyes. “I tried to call you earlier and I got your voicemail. I’m sorry about the agency.”
A rushing wave of gloom threatened to drag Javier under. “It wasn’t going to work,” he said. “Everything I tried, everything I wanted to do failed, despite my best efforts.”
“Matthew had something to do with it,” Desmond said with a guilty pinch to his face.
Javier shrugged. “Maybe. But I don’t think a few nasty rumors were really enough to make the whole thing fall apart. I tried to do something difficult and it didn’t work out. That’s all.”
“It was your dream,” Desmond said, reaching for him and resting a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry that you weren’t able to make it a reality. I would have helped if I knew how.”
He was just trying to be kind, but his offer triggered his pride a little too much. “I don’t want your money,” he said.
Desmond pulled his hand back like Javier had burned him. “I wasn’t offering money, I was offering…support. Not that I know what that looks like.”
Javier was half a second from forgetting how much he actually loved Desmond and wanted the best for him. He wasn’t in the mood for self-pity or hand-wringing. But it was Desmond talking to him, the sweetest and most emotionally vulnerable man he knew.
“I know,” he opted to say instead. “Sometimes things just fail and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“My whole life is a failure,” Desmond said.
“Is it really?” Javier asked, dipping his head a bit to catch Desmond’s eyes, since he’d looked down again. “Or are you just saying that because you jumped off a cliff without knowing what was under it?”
Desmond looked up at him again. “I did something wrong,” he said. “I was stupid and let Matthew manipulate me into something I didn’t want. Now I’m paying the price for it.”
Javier’s brow shot up. “Is this all you punishing yourself for staying with Matthew for so long?”
Desmond looked just as surprised as Javier felt. “I…I don’t know. Maybe?”
“Oh, baby,” Javier said, inching closer to him. He would have pulled the man into his arms and kissed him, but there was a kid’s birthday party raging around them, and despite the fact that he felt as serious as he’d ever felt, he was dressed like a glittery pink and green nob. “You can’t blame yourself for someone else putting you through hell.”
“Can I blame myself for staying in hell for so long instead of getting out of it when I should have?” Desmond asked.
“No,” Javier told him frankly. “You can’t do any of that. But talk to me. What’s really going on here?”
“What’s going on is that I’m a complete cock-up,” Desmond said with more energy. “I was coerced into doing something illegal and immoral, and when I could have just brushed it all under the carpet and moved on, I let it explode my life instead.”
“Is that why you quit?”
Desmond blew out a breath and moved to rub his face with one hand. The ground under him was unstable, though, and instead of the gesture of defeat, he spent a few seconds scrambling for his balance before saying, “If we’re going to talk about this, we shouldn’t do it in a bouncy castle.”
“You’re right,” Javier said, rolling to his knees, then trying to stand.
Desmond mirrored his movements, but neither of them were built for bouncy castles. As soon as they tried to stand, the floor bobbed and swayed under them. They grabbed onto each other for balance, but since neither of them were stable, that only tipped them completely to the side, sending them sprawling back to the floor.
That fall caused the entire floor to dip and roll, which made balance even more impossible. Javier’s stupid headdress wasknocked to one side, and as he tried to right himself, Desmond accidentally pushed a knee into his groin.
“Not in front of the children, honey,” Javier squeezed out, grabbing Desmond’s side.
Of all things, Desmond laughed. It was a sudden, blurted sound of humor that hit Javier right in the heart and made him laugh, too. Laughing was not conducive to standing and walking out of a bouncy castle, though. Every movement the two of them made to try to right themselves and head for the door only tangled them up more and made it impossible to move.
Finally, Javier gave up entirely and just lay there, bobbing up and down, sprawled and laughing.
