“The herbs…I left the wrong bags in your satchel.” He sounded very, very sorry. “How bad was it?”
I swallowed heavily. “It was…rough. And kind of terrifying. You take those?” I couldn’t help but ask. “On purpose?”
He burst into laughter. “Yeah. I mean…I take the ruenox all the time. It helps me make enough cum for what Rathyn needs. The other one is…more for fun. How much did you take?”
“A lot,” I confessed. “I was in pain, and I thought they were all zitha, so I grabbed a handful. I was kind of fucked up for hours.”
His eyes widened, and he bobbed his head. “Okay, right, well, I took oyen by accident with Rathyn, too. It was…a lot. Kind of scary but also…”
My face warmed. “Unbelievably hot. Unbelievably good?”
He laughed. “Something like that, yeah. We use it from time to time. I ah…I wanted to run by your place to swap it out, but I can leave you some, if you want to try it again?”
It took me a moment to decide, considering Cielo and I hadn’t talked about it. About how it made him feel. About the rules he’d broken for me.
But there was only one answer I could give, and that answer was now nipping at my conscience as I stare at Cielo across the small divide as we lounge on the couch.
He’s waiting patiently for me to say anything. To do anything. I can feel his trepidation, almost like he’s afraid of me.
I hate it.
“What are you thinking right now?” I ask.
He opens his mouth, closes it, lifts his hands, then drops them back into his lap. I push into his head as best I can—I’m still new at this, and I don’t want to invade his privacy too much. I didn’t get the chance to ask Everest what this is all about or how any of it works.
Or if it’s the same for him.
But Cielo doesn’t fight me. He opens up, and I can feel fear inside him, and there’s still a bit of lingering anger.
And then there’s shame.
“I do not wish to be upset with you,”he tells me in my head. His words are perfectly clear, but they’re not really English. They’re not really anything I can describe, but it makes communication with him so easy.
“Are you afraid of being upset with me?”
His ears droop, and he bows his head, and the ache in my stomach gets worse. I did this. I fucked up. Everest was right about keeping this from him. I should have told him before. He shouldn’t have found out this way.
“I do not wish to cause you pain, my Dante.”
I shiver at the way he refers to me as his. I fucking love it. I love how possessive he is. And how much he wants me, even if he’s afraid to take everything I can give him.
‘You were crying,’ he adds in sign.
I feel my cheeks. They’re dry, but he’s not wrong. It’s just anger and shame. And with the fatigue from last night, my defenses are low.
“I’m just so sorry. I never want to ruin the trust you have in me. You’re important to me, Cielo. Baby,” I add, and I can’t help it. I shift closer, and his tail immediately curls around my waist. The pressure of it is soothing.
Comforting.
Fuck. It’s everything.
“Trussst,” he says.
“Yes.” I reach up and touch the side of his jaw, then brush my fingertips over his mouth. His lips part for me, and I feel a rush of his warm breath. “Trust. I need you to know I will never hurt you. Not again,” I add.
He bows his head, and his ears flick before he nods, then looks at me again. ‘Did I hurt you last night?’ he asks in sign.
I quickly shake my head. “I’m a little sore, but in a good way. It was…I liked it. But I also know that it might have pushed you too far. The herbs I took were meant for Everest. He left the wrong bag for me. It was supposed to be zitha. I know you didn’t want to take cum directly from me, and I feel like I forced you?—”
