I’ve waited my whole life for her. I will wait the rest of it if I have to, but my heart plummets, heavy like an anchor dragging it down. It takes everything in me to murmur, “Yeah, it’s already gone too far.”
Ham looks in the direction of his mom’s office, shaking his head in disgust. “Lottie’s going to have to go to that funeral, or else it’ll backfire.”
Somehow, as bad as this feels, something tells me it’s only the beginning.
twenty-six
Lottie
Istandinthemiddle of my mother’s closet, which is the size of an average person’s apartment, and I wring my hands together as I work up the courage to say three words. Okay, maybe not a full-sized apartment, but definitely closer to the size of an average bedroom. But that’s neither here nor there. The real issue at hand isI kissed Ty!
Between the kiss and the conversation we had, I seriously need to tell her I’m done with Bodan and that whole charade.
But how do I say such a thing?
Mom, don’t freak out, but Tyson and I are ... well, what are we? I mean, we aren’t really dating since we haven’t gone anywhere together yet. We kissed. Well, just one amazing,knee-shaking kiss, but that still counts. I’m sure there will be more. Or at least I hope there will be more. We are mostly talking at this point, but we’re being honest.
Oh, how do I say Ty and I are being honest? What even is that?
It doesn’t matter how many words I attempt, everything clumps in my throat as my mom glides past me in a long black dress that probably cost more than my car. She pauses in front of the mirrored wall and flashes duck lips at herself. “What do you think, Lottie? Is this too elegant for a day funeral?” she asks, already knowing the answer.
“Yes,” I say automatically. Then, before I lose my nerve, I add, “Mom, I need to tell you something.”
She lifts a pair of silver hoop earrings from a velvet tray and holds them up to her ears. “Maybe if I avoid diamonds, I will look more casual. You know, you should start thinking about what you’re wearing to the funeral. It’s two days away, and the press will be watching every move. It’s events like these that can really shape the public’s opinion of you.”
“Mom, do you seriously think you are going to that poor man’s funeral? It seems pretty shallow to attend for PR.”
She glances over her shoulder. “We’d be foolish not to be strategic.”
My stomach twists. “You never even knew him.”
“I knew him in spirit,” she says, turning back to the mirror.
My brows draw together as I process what is possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. “That’s not a thing.” A sound escapes me somewhere between a laugh and a scream. “You don’t attend someone’s funeral for a photo op.”
She plucks a pearl necklace from a hook on the wall, extending it toward me without looking at me. I don’t take it. Instead, I give her the crazy eyes she deserves. Undeterred, she presses thenecklace closer. “Try this on. It might help make your neck look longer.”
Great, now I’m wondering what’s wrong with my neck. I grab my throat and mutter, “No.”
Her reflection stiffens as her gaze locks on mine. “Excuse me?”
“I’m not doing this.” I push the necklace back toward her. “I’m not dressing up to pretend I care about someone I’ve never met so you can look compassionate to a bunch of strangers. Maybe you can take Ham or Dad. I’m not going.”
“This isn’t about me.” She turns fully toward me now. “This is about Bodan. He’s your boyfriend. Everyone expects you to be there for him.”
I inhale sharply.She’s delusional!She knows he’s not my real boyfriend. It’s all a farce. It’s completely disrespectful to Bodan in his time of grief to even think I’d be invited. He needs that time with his family. I will not turn his tragedy into a mockery. “Actually, Bodan needs time to grieve, and it’s best we just call off this whole thing—”
“Why would you do that?” Her brows shoot to the ceiling. “It’s just getting good!”
A rush of nerves hits me. If I’m going to say anything, I need to rush all my words before she interrupts me again. “Mom, I need to end the arrangement with Bodan, because there’s someone else—an actual, real man—who I, uh, want to date—”
“Oh, honey, you can’t cheat on Bodan,” she interrupts briskly.
“It’s not cheating!” I blurt out, my face growing warm. “This is the perfect time to respectfully stop working with Bodan. Then I can move forward with a real relationship.”
Her expression stays neutral. Without even acknowledging my news, she hands me a padded hanger with a black dress on it. “This dress always photographs well. You’re a little hippier than I am, but if you add a belt, you should look nice in it.”
“I saidno.” I push the hanger away without looking at the dress.
