“What?”I asked.
“This is good cooking here, and you’re only moving it around on your plate.You’ve made soup out of your mashed potatoes and gravy.”
I stared down at my plate.She wasn’t wrong.“I think I need to get a hotel—”
“Don’t start that with me.”She shoved her chair back, the legs screeching on the new tiles.
“Mom.”I was going to protest, but I didn’t have it in me.I sighed instead and leaned back in my chair.My long legs stretched out under the table.
“Okay.Spill it.”
“Spill what?”
She gave me a soft and gentle smile.“Derby.I’m not stupid.The last six months, you’ve been bouncing on air, walking around with your head in the clouds.Every time you’ve been home, you’ve been happier than I’ve ever seen you.Not that you were unhappy, but this has been...well, more.And now?”She held her hand up.“Mope-ville.”
“What?Mope-ville?Nah...”How could I protest?She spoke the truth, but it only made me frown more.
“If you don’t want to tell me what happened, fine.I get it.But.”She held up her index finger.She wore her hair pulled back in a ponytail, the gray barely showing through her golden blonde.I could see more wrinkles around her eyes.She was getting older, but the light in her eyes still pierced my heart.“Let me say this one thing.Life isn’t meant to be miserable.If you’re unhappy, you take steps to get back to happy.Sometimes one small step is all you can manage, but you keep moving forward.Don’t stand still.”
“I don’t know how to fix it.I don’t know what step to take.”I ran my hand through my hair.It was getting a little long, but I didn’t have time to cut it.Not when I had to carry around all the broken pieces of my heart and figure out how to put them back together.“I don’t even know what I did wrong.”
“Maybe you didn’t do anything wrong.Maybe he has his own issues.”
My eyes widened.She’d had me pegged from the beginning, and I should have known I couldn’t keep anything from her.“He definitely has his own issues, but I don’t know how to get through to him.”
Momma wiped her mouth with her napkin, and I had the feeling she was simultaneously hiding a smile.Then she cleared her throat and set the napkin on the table.“Persistence, Derby.Same way you’ve done everything in your life.”She winked at me.
“Why are you always right?”
“Cause I’m your momma.”
I still didn’t have a plan in place, but I needed to act.Between Momma’s advice and Nancy’s comments, I was convinced I needed to give it one more try.If he didn’t respond, I would have to figure out how to get on with my life without him, though I didn’t want to.
My feet were itching to take me to him.I cleaned up my plate and kissed Momma on the head.“Don’t wait up,” I told her as I grabbed my keys and walked out the door.
On the drive over to Godwin’s, I kept thinking about what I would say to him.I had a few good opening lines.I played out the scenarios in my head.All of them ended with us in bed, but I worried it could all go wrong.One way or another, I had to try.
I pulled into his driveaway and turned off the vehicle, stalling.“Now or never, Derb-ster!”I told myself with a chuckle, then forced myself to get out.
I rang the doorbell camera.It took a few minutes for Godwin to open the door, but when he did, he peeked out the crack, scowling at me, and barked, “What?”
“Come on, Godwin.Why can’t we give this thing a chance?”I leaned against the door, hoping to open it more.
“It wasn’t meant to be a thing.”
“But it is.It’s been good.I like you.”
“I like you, too.”He huffed then opened the door.“This is only going to end badly.”
“Not necessarily.”I tilted my head, begging for a kiss.I closed my eyes and silently prayed he wouldn’t let me down.
Then his lips pressed against mine, and I let out a sigh.He smoothed his thumb over the spot he’d kissed and stared into my eyes.“Okay, Derby.Let’s talk.Justtalk.”
I was practically vibrating with excitement.This was my chance.I didn’t want to blow it, but I also knew that unless Godwin accepted me exactly how I was, that it would never work.
I bounced after him into the living room and cuddled up next to him on the couch.He was shirtless, wearing basketball shorts, and his feet were bare.I thought it was sexy as hell.I wanted to get my fingers inside that elastic band.
Stop.
