If Shiloh tossed an omega in there—hell, if he instructed Bishop, a beta, to go in right now even—there was little doubt the alpha would mount and rut them.
Because Shiloh wasn’t special.
No matter how much he’d convinced himself otherwise over the years.
His gaze dropped to the report on his tablet, pages of information on Grays leering up at him.
Apparently, untrained Grays could easily form a bond with someone accidentally.
They’d spoken of Sarang’s past, even if he’d never shared what his father really was, so Shiloh knew the alpha had been abandoned at a young age. If he’d been forced to figure out that side of himself on his own, it added up that he’d make such a massive mistake when he’d healed Shiloh.
Which meant Sarang had never wanted this.
Had never wanted him.
He’d merely stuck around due to his guilt, knowing that he risked both of their suffering if he left and ended up siphoning too much of Shiloh’s qi at any given point throughout their lives.
His damn bleeding heart.
That’s what it boiled down to.
Not the version Shiloh wanted. From anyone.
Sure, he’d purposefully made himself small and pathetic in the eyes of the world, but that had been with the single goal of drawing Sarang in. He hadn’t minded so much that the alpha postulated around him and puffed up his chest. That he thought he was the only thing between danger and Shiloh.
But this type of need?
The one fueled by guilt and regret?
Yeah, no. He could more than do without it.
The alpha wasn’t the only one being contradictory, and Shiloh hated it.
He hated what he was being reduced to.
Hated second guessing himself andfeeling.
Apparently, the bond could only be formed once, much like the mating bond. When their spouse died, that was it. They still couldn’t form another, and while they could stabilize their qi using practically any living life form, the hit they wereguaranteed from their bonded partner was immensely more powerful and satisfying.
The reports even said they could go longer while stabilizing less. Could expend more qi, without risking imbalance within themselves.
Shiloh didn’t share in those benefits.
As an omega, he felt nothing. Sure, he could now explain away those rare times Sarang had gotten seriously injured and he’d felt tired as a result, but aside from that…Typically, he wouldn’t know if the alpha was stealing his qi.
Even that week he’d kept the alpha in bed, forcing him to come to the point where his body had struggled to heal itself, Shiloh had felt mostly fine. A little tired by the end of the day, but nothing a hot shower and a power nap hadn’t been able to fix. He was a well of life energy, vital, young, and powerful as a dominant omega.
Sarang had hit the jackpot.
“Stop being so gods damned righteous,” he snarled at the screen, watching the alpha come in his hand for the fifth time in less than two hours.
He’d continue to struggle like that until the drug burned out of his system and the false rut ended or he was given a warm body to screw.
Since the latter wasn’t going to happen…
“You’re just making yourself suffer more.” Shiloh felt a burst of anger and tossed the remote across the room. The device hit the wall, leaving a dent in the plaster. “Unnecessary.”
All of this was.
