Ry rested his head on Alex’s chest.“I already told you five of them.”
Alex grunted.“So what’s the last one then?”
Ry rolled his eyes.“Trying to ruin my perfectly sappy romance moment with questions about my intentions.”
“That’s my job.”Alex grinned.But his smile faded when Ry took a deep breath.
“I know how difficult things have been for you at home.You don’t share everything with me, and I’m not asking you to.Between college, practices, and work, I’ve seen you manage it all every single day.If I can bring even a little light and joy into your life, and see you smile the way you did today, that makes me happy.”
“Ry,” Alex said.“You don’t need to buy me things.With you, I can be myself, more than I can be at school, work, and especially with family.You are home.”
Ry leaned closer, kissing Alex gently.He caressed Alex’s cheek with one hand, the other kneading Alex’s leg.“I love you, Alexander Garvin.”
CHAPTER 7: PRESENT
A light breeze from the sea stirred the pine trees, bringing a fresh scent laced with the sweet notes of roses and lavender in the garden.Water plinked in the delicate fountain a few feet away.Ry opened his eyes and took another deep breath.He had some time before his appointment with Dr.Rosa.Warm sun on his shoulders let him relax for a moment.Afternoon light painted the buildings a golden hue, the shadows of the trees swaying gently in the breeze.One time where the marketing didn’t lie, he thought.
Ry shook out his shoulders, trying to work out the last of his jitters.The first couple of weeks he’d been in the medical wing under the care of Dr.Syd and her team to help him reduce his intake.He’d had problems sleeping well; his anxiety had spiked, and he’d lost his appetite for a few days.The worst day, the walls had seemed to weigh on him, the overhead lights were blinding, and the air was laden with antiseptic.After that, he felt better with each passing day, at least good enough to sit out by the fountain on a nice day.
Alex swaggered around the corner.
He strode by, old confidence that Ry hadn’t seen in years.He carried himself to his full height, towering over the rest of the patients and staff.As he walked past, a lingering scent of cloves and leather remained.Alex’s powerful body moved with liquid grace as he headed inside the main building, never once looking at Ry.
Perhaps he’d been wrong about waiting outside today.Or feeling better.A chill washed over Ry, as though someone had doused him.Strength fled, and he slid back, his chest closing in.A familiar ache settled behind his ribs, and his throat felt thick.His clenched jaw ached and pulsed with each beat of his heart.He squeezed his eyes shut.
Taking slow, measured breaths against the dizzying crush of being so close to Alex again, Ry tried the breathing exercises from therapy.Unbidden images of high school flashed in his mind: Alex walking by him in the halls, backwards cap and a blue hoodie; Alex sauntering by him in his letterman jacket at one of the stupid dances; Alex ordering from the next line over from Ry’s when detention meant concession stand work at a game.Later, Alex had told him that those had been on purpose.So, even though Alex didn’t look at him, he knew Alex had seen him.
The warmth of the sun returned, and Ry opened his eyes.His vision swam in a hazy blur for a moment until he blinked and rubbed his stubborn eyes clear.
Four minutes.
Ry stood, the stiff ache in his limbs loosening with a slow stretch.He reached the small building housing Dr.Rosa's office and pushed open the door, the faint chime announcing his arrival.His palms felt clammy, and a faint tremor ran through his fingers.Ry settled into a slim armchair in the waiting area, keeping his head low.The sight of pain on other’s faces overwhelmed him.
Ry reviewed his notes from the last couple of days.He hadn’t been able to talk openly about Alex in group therapy.He added “talk about him” to the list, then crossed it out.But could he with Dr.Rosa?He had to.Right?Patient privacy?
Someone burst out of the door and hurried out into the garden.
“Ry, if you’re ready?”Dr.Rosa motioned him inside when he looked up.Today she wore a thin gray cardigan over a light pink blouse and dark pants.She gave him a warm, caring smile.
He closed the door behind him.
Bookcases lined the walls behind a small desk.Ry assumed Dr.Rosa worked there when she had no patients.A large window looked out into the wild pines, letting in plenty of natural light.He took a seat on the plush, oversized chair.Dr.Rosa sat across from him in her usual swivel office chair.
“Welcome,” she said.“Tell me how you are doing today.”
“I felt pretty good earlier, in the garden,” he said.“Practiced some breathing exercises.”
His notes crinkled in his hands as he reviewed them.The one line stood out.
“Did you find them helpful?”
Ry smiled.“No and yes.No, because it didn’t help immediately.Yes, because I can see I don’t feel so awful right now.”
She paused for a moment.
“That seems important.Are you able to identify what sparked the initial feeling?”
Ry looked outside for a moment, then back to his notes.
