He took a deep breath.“I saw Alex outside in the garden.He didn’t look at me, but I knew he saw me.Back in high school he used to walk by me all the time like that.”
“Okay,” she said, tapping a pen on her pad.“What did you feel in your body?”
He paused, trying to find the words.“Like my chest was being crushed.I could hardly breathe.”
She looked concerned.“This is a common feeling you’ve described before.”
He avoided her gaze.“It’s hard to talk about.”
“Is this person making you afraid?Remember, what you share is confidential, except if there’s imminent risk to you or someone else.”
Alarmed, Ry waved her concern away.“No, nothing like that.He—Alex and I have a history.We broke—I mean, I—loved him.I spent so long trying not to feel anything when I’ve been around him.The crushing pain of being so close and yet—”
He glanced up at her.
“Thank you for telling me.”She held out her hand for comfort, if he took it.Eventually, she let her hand fall.“Alex is an important person in your life.”
“Yeah.”Ry took a deep breath.“You could say that.He used to be my everything.High school sweethearts.We had lunch together every day, hung out after school, and shared the same friends.Back then, he had a rough time with his dad, and I supported him as best I could.He did the same.We could lean on each other.”
“What changed?”she said after a moment.
“When our band got signed, and we’d made it on the radio—” His voice cut off as a door closed in the hall outside.He blinked hard.“We were kids.I remember the first time Arend showed up after a set in Hollywood.I went to hug Alex, and he…went red.He slammed a paper down on the amp, pointed at the signature like it was a knife.”He stared at his hands.“Said we were breaking the contract.He said we couldn’t be together, not in public.For our own good.”
Ry looked out the window, remembering the day he’d signed the contract.
“I swore I read the stupid contract five times—ten, maybe.Thought it was just about shows, payment, the usual.But that wasn’t the one I signed.The copy I’d read had none of that.”
Dr.Rosa waited for him to continue.
“What do you feel in your body?”she asked, her voice quiet against his thoughts.
“Anger, like a hot stabbing in my ribs.”Ry looked at the carpet.“He stole everything from us.”He felt the words roll out of him like poison.“Every public appearance, Alex and I would be at opposite ends, never allowed within five feet of each other.”
Ry shuddered and took a deep breath, memorizing the carpet.Red and blue swirls danced around some flower either made up or that he’d never seen before.His hands clenched and unclenched.Ry looked up.Dr.Rosa looked up, her eyes glistening in the light from the window.She held his gaze.
“I didn’t know what to do,” he continued.“We’d just started charting, and I had little money.Everyone else had less.We weren’t starving, but we had enough to make ends meet.Step out of line, and, well, that would be it.After the first few incidents, Arend would text me provisions the moment I stepped out of line.Alex and I fought every day about our relationship, the band, about each other.I hoped that after time, we could be together in public, but he didn’t want to wait.I couldn’t leave everyone when they needed me, so we broke up.”
“I’m sorry you went through this.”She glanced at her notepad, her pen tapping lightly against the back.“Are these legal threats still happening?”
Ry nodded, parched.“Do you have any water?”
She stood and took a bottle from a mini-fridge near her desk and handed it to him.“Have you been in contact with Alex since the breakup?”
“Not much,” he said.“We talked directly to each other more in the last couple of days here than we have in the last months.I went to see him in the hospital, but I haven’t told him, and I’m not sure he knows or needs to.”
Dr.Rosa sat down and made a few notes, or at least moved her pen around on the notepad, for all Ry knew.“Do you see any connections between drinking more and what happened with your manager and ex-partner?”
Ry laughed, though it felt hollow.“Yeah, I drank to help ease the pain.Xanax I got for the anxiety of being on stage, of being near either of them.”
“What would you like most from me right now?I can help you think through options, support you emotionally, or help you come up with a plan to protect yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m here to support you and your recovery, Ry.I can help you think about legal options, help you process your feelings, or create an action plan to help protect you in either situation.”
“Well, I guess all three?”
She smiled.“What would you like to focus on today?”
