He thought for a minute.“I guess with the feelings?There’s not much I can do about the other two today.”
“Alright then,” she said.“Would you like to start with your manager or ex-partner?”
“Alex,” he said.
“I can tell you care about him,” she said.“I’d like to offer you another point of view.Alex’s actions say more about him than about you.You said he didn’t want to wait.Perhaps he was reacting out of fear and self-protection rather than anything you said or did.For Alex, that could have been more like betrayal and caving to pressure.”
“I guess I couldn’t see it that way.”Ry looked down at the rug, turning over what she said.It made sense, and he’d never really seen it from Alex’s side, not fully.So wrapped up in his own pain, in his own head.His stomach sank.“He even told me as much, but I couldn’t hear it.”
She waited a moment, watching him.“You felt conflicted about the financial loss for those who relied on you.You wanted to buy time to figure it out.”
He took a moment to think.“Yes.I thought I could still have it all.He just didn’t understand.He wouldn’t believe me when I told him I loved him.”
Ry put his head into his hands, letting his eyes wander over the flower patterns on the rug again.“But today, I just wanted to cry.”
“Do you think you’re grieving him or the relationship you had together?Or both?”
“What?”He looked at her as if she’d grown a second head.“No.He’s not dead.”
“Have you ever lost a pair of sunglasses?”she asked, her voice soft.“At first, everything is too bright.You keep searching for them every time you go outside.”She watched him.“Grief can be like that—not only for people who die, but for relationships that changed, trust that cracked, or the future you thought you’d have.The person can still be here, but a piece of what you hoped for is gone.”
He thought he understood her.“So,” he said, his words faltering.“I’ve been living with this non-real, make-believe relationship?I’ve been living in ahell of my creation?”
“That doesn’t make your feelings any less real.”She smiled gently.“Think of ‘meaning’ like a house you were building with someone.When a wall collapses, you might keep propping it up because it feels safer than admitting it’s down.But propping it up can make you tense, jumpy, or push you toward things that numb the pain.Letting yourself notice the collapse is the first step toward rebuilding.Not erasing what mattered, just making room to breathe again.”
“So,” he said slowly, “I’m supposed to grieve him even though he’s alive?”
She gave him another encouraging smile.“Would you be willing to try sitting with one small piece of that pain today so you don’t have to carry it alone?”
“We can try,” he said, unsure of what to say.“I miss the sense of physical safety he offered.I could always turn to him for comfort.”
“Where in your body do you feel this most?”
He closed his eyes and breathed in, focusing inward.His chest prickled and stung.
“Sit with that feeling for a moment.If it’s too intense, tell me and we’ll stop.What comes up when you think of safety or comfort?”
“I feel it here,” he poked at his sternum.“A dull throbbing ache.”
“Thank you for sharing what you are feeling,” she said.“Let’s stay here a moment or we can ground and talk about it.”
He couldn’t focus any longer as the pain gnawed at him, familiar and haunting.He took a deep breath and stopped focusing.“We can talk more.”
“Good, breathe in deep and feel your feet on the floor.Name five things you can see in the room, or any physical sensations.”
“Trees.”Ry followed her instructions as thoughts bubbled up.“Books.”Had Alex been right?“Chair.”It didn’t matter, as he’d unintentionally hurt Alex.“Desk.”It had been a mirror, one on each side screaming at the other to be heard, and neither listened.“Ache.”He had hurt Alex, and Alex had hurt him in return.
“Are we like caged animals lashing out against each other?”
“That image fits,” she said.“People often act from fear or instinct, and that can feel like lashing out.”
A soft alarm sounded on her wrist.“You’ve done some important work today.Remember, this is new.If any powerful feelings come up, please do grounding exercises and journal.We can discuss them at our next session and continue working through them.”
“Just the start?”Ry got up off the couch.
“I’m afraid so.
“I guess I’ll try those things then.”He waved goodbye before heading out the door.He thought about what she’d said on his way back to his room.The grief part made a certain amount of sense.Would that mean admitting it was dead?That there was no hope?His thoughts swirled around him.Soon he was in front of his room.
