My shadows scatter in frantic patterns, swirling beneath the frigid surface. Every nerve ending is aflame, screaming from the shock, and yet, beneath the pain is something else…exhilaration. Pure, raw, startlingly alive.
I break the surface with a gasp, lungs heaving, limbs heavy and trembling. Beside me, Levi bursts up, slick hair plastered to his forehead, his laugh wild and breathless. The sound cracks through the night like a flare.
“I’ve missed that,” I say, attempting to keep my head above water.
“What?”
“Your laugh.” I shake my head, water streaming down my face. “You go under with all that weight on your shoulders, and still, you come back up laughing.”
Levi blinks, then snorts. “You make it sound heroic. Pretty sure I just swallowed half the lake.”
I tread water until my hand finds his beneath the surface, drawing him closer, forcing my shaking breaths to steady. “How do you feel?”
His laugh shudders out between chattering teeth. “Like a Popsicle. And like a guy who is definitely not okay. But…I know I will be. Eventually. It’s just taking me longer than I’d like.” He nudges my shoulder, eyes finding mine. “You’re kind of my cheat code, Funeral Guy.”
The words land deeper than the cold. Here he is, breaking the surface, carrying his griefandhis light together. I want to tell him he’s luminous, relentless, mine. But all that makes it out is a rough whisper against the cold. “I suppose I’ve found my use in this world, then.”
Levi huffs a laugh, the sound softer now, as if it’s only meant for me. Despite the numbing cold, I’d give anything to stay in this moment, just the two of us…
“Fuckity fuck fuckfuck!” Dominic shrieks from behind us, splashing frantically. “My goddamn soul just left my body.”
Elijah cackles, teeth chattering as he beelines back toward the dock. “Drama queen.”
We all swim back together, limbs sluggish but hearts racing with adrenaline. Volunteers help us out, wrapping us in thick, scratchy blankets and handing us steaming cups of cider. The bonfire crackles invitingly, its heat sinking into my bones, thawing the painful numbness.
Settled by the fire, Dominic shakes his head vigorously. “Never again.”
“Oh, please. You’ll be back next year,” Elijah counters, nudging him playfully.
Levi leans into me, warmth radiating through our shared blanket. “Told you it was exhilarating.”
I press my forehead to his temple, the bonfire’s glow painting us gold. “You were right.”
The drive home is quiet. Dominic’s SUV slips through Stonevale’s empty streets, heater blasting against the windows again, and in the backseat, Levi has reclaimed his place in my arms, head tipping against my shoulder. I watch his reflection in the window. The curve of his smile, the way his lashes rest heavy. His pulse is still high from the plunge but his smile hasn’t left since we climbed out of the water.
I let my arm snake around him, thumb brushing the back of his hand. Dominic and Elijah argue up front about who looked more dramatic mid-jump, their bickering a harmless soundtrack. Levi squeezes my fingers once, a silent thank-you for dragging him into the cold and back out again.
The moment Dominic pulls up to my building, the air inside the car has thickened into something taut, waiting. Levi glances at me, eyes wide, as though asking what happens now.
What happens is this: Elijah calls a smuggood nightfrom the front, Dominic waves us off, and moments later, Levi and I are climbing the stairs to my place, his hand still locked in mine.
Inside, the latch snaps and my shadows spill upward. Levi presses me back against the wood, mouth crashing into mine, his fingers clutching hard at my hips.
The taste of him, the heat…it undoes me. My hands splay against his back, dragging him closer, shadows wrapping his wrists, cradling his neck, because they’re starving for him as much as I am.
“Hayden…” he pants, lips brushing my jaw.
“Hmm.”
“Take me to your bed,” he gasps. “I want you to fuck me until I forget my own name.” His voice breaks into a groan as I grip his hair, kissing him harder.
For days, I’ve watched grief hollow him out, but now, like this, the sorrow in his eyes is gone, replaced with something wild and wanting.
And I swear I’ll spend every touch reminding him he’s not alone in either.
• • •
By the timethe mattress hits our knees, we’re nothing but skin, sweat, and jagged breaths. Levi’s mouth drags against mine as I lower him, my shadows climbing the walls because they already know what’s coming. His sweater is gone. My shirt hangs open. His jeans are loose around his hips. I can’t stop touching him. If I stop, even for a second, I might come apart.
